#have to figure out how to accept that this is my life for like the next forty to fifty years or whatever

[cosmiclily]

chapter one: heartache

wc: 2.1k

Five years. Vi and Caitlyn had been together for five years before Caitlyn decided that the exposure from Vi’s life as a musician was “too much.” She said she was already dealing with enough from her mother’s expectations, constant scrutiny, and the pressure to be perfect. Being tied to someone constantly in the spotlight only amplified the chaos she was trying to escape.

But how do you just walk away from five years? Five years of love, growth, and shared memories. They had been through everything together—the awkward phases, the big milestones, the small, intimate moments that made life feel worth it. They were each other’s first in almost everything: first love, first heartbreak, first time believing someone could truly know and accept them for who they were.

Vi couldn’t imagine a future without Caitlyn in it. Caitlyn wasn’t just her girlfriend; she was her rock, her balance, her safe place in a world that could be loud and overwhelming. With her, life made sense. Without her, it felt like the ground had been pulled out from under her feet.

Now, Vi was left standing in the ruins of what they had built together, forced to pick up the shattered pieces and figure out who she was without Caitlyn. Every corner of her life reminded her of what she’d lost—the songs Caitlyn inspired, the jokes they shared together, the faint trace of her perfume still clinging to the throw pillows they’d picked out together.

Relearning herself wasn’t just hard—it felt impossible. How do you start over when so much of your identity has been intertwined with someone else? How do you let go of someone who was your past, your present, and the future you were certain you’d have?

Vi’s days were spent trying to fill the void Caitlyn left behind, and her nights were haunted by the deafening silence where laughter and love used to live.

──────────────────────

“Wake up!” you say, shaking Vi’s body aggressively. “I sure hope you’re not dead or still drunk because we leave in 30 minutes. Pack your shit.” You’re already gathering her clothes scattered across the room, shoving them into her beat-up suitcase. It’s barely holding together, much like its owner.

The thing is, you love Vi—you really do. She’s one of your best friends, and without a doubt, one of the most talented people you’ve ever met. But ever since her breakup with Caitlyn, she’s been a complete wreck. All she does these days is drink and mope around like the world ended.

When she first came to you, heartbroken and teary-eyed, spilling every detail of the split, you were genuinely sad for her. Five years with someone isn’t easy to walk away from. But, selfishly, you couldn’t help but think,“At least we’ll get some killer songs out of this.” Heartbreak always fuels the best music, right? You figured she’d take her pain and pour it into the band.

Instead, she spends 85% of her days drowning herself in booze and picking fights with strangers in dive bars, and the other 15% passed out somewhere she probably shouldn’t be. Honestly, it’s exhausting keeping up with her. At least this time, she actually made it back to her own hotel room instead of crashing on some stranger’s couch—or worse.

“Violet, seriously,” you snap, shaking her again when all you get is a groan. “You’re a grown-ass woman, and I’m not your babysitter. Get up, get dressed, and try not to look like you’ve been on a week-long bender. The van is leaving, and I’m not letting you make us late again.”

She finally stirs, one bloodshot eye cracking open as she glares at you. “What’s your problem?” she mutters, her voice gravelly and tired.

“My problem? My problem is that you’re wasting your talent and dragging us all down with you. I get it—you’re hurt, heartbroken, life sucks. But this?” You gesture around the room, littered with empty bottles and discarded clothes. “This isn’t you, Vi. And it sure as hell isn’t the Vi this band needs right now.”

She sits up slowly, rubbing her temples like even that’s too much effort. “You don’t get it,” she mutters, her voice low. “You don’t know what it’s like to lose someone like Cait.”

You take a deep breath, softening your tone. “No, I don’t. I won’t pretend I do. But I know Caitlyn wouldn’t want you to do this to yourself. And I know you’re better than this. So, get your ass up and let’s get to work. You don’t have to fix everything right now, but at least show up—for yourself, and for us.”

She looks at you for a long moment, her face unreadable. For a second, you think she’s going to argue. But instead, she sighs heavily, dragging herself out of bed like the weight of the world is on her shoulders.

“Fine,” she mutters, running a hand through her mess of hair. “I’ll pack. But don’t expect me to look ‘presentable.’”

You snort, tossing her a clean shirt you found buried under a pile of god knows what. “Presentable’s overrated. I’ll settle for functional.”

She gives you a half-smirk, the closest thing to a smile you’ve seen from her in weeks, and starts gathering the rest of her things.

You make your way to the van, your thoughts swirling as you reflect on how much your lives have changed in such a short time. Just a few months ago, you were barely scraping by, playing gigs at any bar that would have you. Your dad thought joining a band was a terrible idea—especially since it meant you wouldn’t be going to college. He never liked Vi, or her family for that matter, constantly calling her a bad influence. He’d been saying that ever since the two of you met in high school, always claiming that Vi was the one putting reckless ideas in your head.

When you told him you were starting a band with her, he completely lost it. You could still hear the echoes of his angry voice, the awful things he said, the way he swore you’d never make it. “You’re throwing your future away for a pipe dream,” he’d yelled. “Mark my words, you’ll regret this.” Those words used to haunt you—sometimes they still do. But right now, you can’t deny the faint sense of satisfaction in knowing that you’ve proven him wrong. Sure, things aren’t perfect, but you’re here. You’re on a tour van, opening for a bigger artist, starting to get noticed by her fans. It’s not the dream yet, but it’s closer than it’s ever been.

Climbing onto the van, you spot Jinx already in her usual spot by the window, earbuds dangling around her neck as she scrolls aimlessly on her phone. She glances up when she hears you, a crooked grin forming on her face.

“Did you get her to wake up?” she asks, scrunching her nose in exaggerated disgust. “I tried, but it reeks in there. Smells like whiskey, sweat, and bad decisions.”

You roll your eyes but can’t help the small laugh that escapes you. “Yeah, she’s up. Barely. I had to practically shake her awake and threaten to leave her behind. She’s packing now, probably still half-asleep.”

Jinx smirks, leaning back in her seat and tossing her phone onto the cushion beside her. “You’re a braver soul than I am. I gave up after two knocks. You know how Vi gets when she’s hungover—like a grumpy bear. Or a bear with a hangover.”

“She’s not a bear,” you say with a sigh, dropping into the seat across from her. “She’s just… going through it. Though, honestly, I wish she’d just move on already.”

Jinx raises an eyebrow, her expression equal parts amused and frustrated. “You’ve been saying that for weeks. When does ‘going through it’ stop being an excuse? She’s dragging herself—and us—down. It’s not like we’re rolling in free passes for her to waste.”

You glance out the window, watching the early morning light streak across the horizon. She’s not wrong. Vi’s breakup with Caitlyn hadn’t just been hard on her—it had been hard on all of you. The drinking, the fights, the inconsistency... It was becoming impossible to ignore.

“Where’s Ekko?” you ask, changing the subject. “Don’t tell me he’s late too.”

Jinx shrugs lazily. “Oh, he forgot something in his room. He’s probably on his way back already. You know him—‘fashionably late’ and all that.”

As if on cue, the hotel doors swing open, and Ekko steps outside with Archie, your ever-enthusiastic manager, trailing close behind. The two are deep in conversation, their hands gesturing wildly as they talk.

“Oh, you girls are already here! Excellent.” Archie’s voice carries before he even reaches the bus. His short, chubby frame and thick british accent somehow manage to command attention wherever he goes. He’s the reason the band even had a shot, the one who saw potential when no one else did.

“I have exciting news,” Archie announces, his grin stretching ear to ear as he climbs aboard. Then, his expression falters. “But… where is Miss Violet? Don’t tell me she’s late again.”

“She’s packing,” you answer, sitting up straighter. “She’ll be out any minute.”

Archie narrows his eyes, clearly unimpressed. “Packing? At this hour? I gave everyone strict instructions to be ready by now.”

“She had a rough night,” you offer, though you feel like a broken record at this point. How many times have you covered for her?

“A rough night?” Archie throws his hands up dramatically. “She’s had a ‘rough night’ every night for the past month! If she’s not careful, she’ll burn herself out before we even get close to making it big.”

You exchange a glance with Jinx, who shrugs as if to say, He’s not wrong.

At that moment, the can door opens again, and Vi steps aboard. She looks like she just rolled out of bed—hair tousled, hoodie wrinkled, and sunglasses covering her undoubtedly bloodshot eyes.

“Morning,” she mutters, flopping into a seat without so much as a glance at Archie.

“Morning?” Archie echoes incredulously. “Miss Violet, this is hardly the professionalism I expect from you. We’re opening for one of the biggest acts of the year, and you’re showing up like you’ve just walked out of a frat house!”

Vi groans, tilting her head back against the seat. “Save it, Archie. I’m here, aren’t I?”

Archie pinches the bridge of his nose, muttering something under his breath before shaking it off. “Fine. I’ll save my lecture for later because—believe it or not—we’ve got good news. Big news.”

Everyone perks up at that, even Vi, though she does so begrudgingly.

“What kind of news?” you ask, leaning forward with curiosity.

Archie’s grin widens as he claps his hands together. “You’re being added to three more tour dates! One of which is in LA. And, if you can manage to pull yourselves together, there might even be offers for an single on the table.”

The van erupts into excited chatter, a buzz of energy filling the space. Jinx punches the air, Ekko grins from ear to ear, and even you feel a rush of exhilaration. This is what you’ve all been working for—an actual shot at something bigger.

Even Vi, slouched in her seat with her sunglasses still on, cracks a small smile. It doesn’t quite reach her eyes, but it’s there. Maybe this could be the spark she needed—the moment she finally stopped wallowing and started using all that anger and hurt for something productive.

“Quiet down, please,” Archie calls out, waving his hands to settle everyone. “I know you’re all excited, and you should be. But this will only be possible if you show your absolute best in the upcoming concerts. No more sloppiness, no more excuses. This is your chance to prove you’re ready for the big leagues.”

His words hang heavy in the air, a stark reminder of the stakes. The excitement dims just slightly, replaced by determination.

“So,” Archie continues, checking his watch, “settle down, get your heads in the game, and prepare to give it everything you’ve got. We’ll be leaving in a couple of minutes.”

Jinx leans over your seat, her voice low but tinged with excitement. “Three more shows, an album, and LA? Think we’ll survive?”

You chuckle softly, glancing at Vi, who’s staring out the window now, her expression unreadable. “We’ll survive,” you reply. “The question is whether we’ll thrive.”

Jinx snorts. “Speak for yourself. I was born to thrive.”

Despite everything, you feel a flicker of hope. This was it—the break you’d been waiting for. Now all you had to do was rise to the occasion.

──────────────────────

masterlist - chapter two

notes: i love making vi suffer 😔 it’s a character flaw im sorry

[jsraven7]

This is an odd post, but seeing all the new Hellenic Polytheists terrified of making the Gods angry breaks my heart.

You have to try extremely hard to make the Gods mad. They will not be mad at you for tiny things. You practically have to be intentionally trying to make them mad, or do something hubristic. I wanted to share a story of mine personally to aid others in this anxiety. I know this may be an odd way of helping others feel better, but I really do hope it helps.

I started working with and worshipping Lady Hekate over a year ago. I was in a horrendous headspace, and called out to Her for more selfish reasons. I built my relationship with Her on needing help to do baneful workings against the abuser I just escaped from. Which, really, is a thing a lot of people do. But, because I was in this horrendous headspace, I didn’t go about it the right way. I didn’t do a good job at building Kharis with Her, or giving Her any offerings for Her help. I was quite disrespectful to Her, really. I felt my relationship with Her turn towards something more strained. I felt more negative when thinking of Her, and a lot of the time I felt shut out from Her. Any offerings I gave Her felt disconnected, like a call that didn’t go through. She was not quite happy with me, and I couldn’t blame Her.

The thing is, though, is that She was never angry with me. I could feel our relationship break slightly, and I could feel a wall between us. My offerings didn’t always feel like they were accepted, and our relationship just felt discordant. But every time I sat down with Her with my divination tools and asked if She was mad at me, the answer was always a very strict, ‘no’. Despite how tumultuous our relationship felt, She was never angry. Disappointed maybe, yes, but not angry. I worked closely with Her on repairing the little cracks in our relationship as I begun to heal a bit more from what I asked Her to help me with, and as I got more stable in myself. I dedicated time to devotional acts for Her, speaking with Her, and giving Her offerings with the intention of reparations. Very quickly, our relationship healed. I wouldn’t say it’s perfect yet, but we have a very wonderful relationship now. I clean bones in Her honor, and I love to feel Her presence as I do so.

All in all, the point of this is, our relationships with our Gods are just that—relationships. The Gods will not be mad at you for every small thing, or even for bigger things, like the mistakes I made. Your relationship may feel odd with Them from time to time, but that’s completely alright. Like every relationship, you have to figure out your rhythm, and there’s no sense in a God being mad for you figuring out how this all works. I was very experienced with this all when I made those mistakes, and yet She was never mad. Why would They be upset when you’re just figuring it all out?

Rest easy, all of you. This is a religion, this is life, this is love. Religion is to be enjoyed, to let your happiest self go. The Gods rejoice in Themselves, and rejoice in you. Have fun, be respectful, and trust in yourselves and Them. Love to all of you—be kind to yourselves.

[thatbitchery]

ARGUING / CONFRONTATION 101: HOW TO NOT 'GET OWNED' OR 'GET CAUGHT' IN ALTERCRATIONS.

Little miss don't read How To posts over here

For starters I hope by now you know people do not argue to exchange ideas they argue to measure deek size and find out who is the alpha. Its neverrrr about what's right its about WHO is right. My go to is just don't get caught in one? But sometimes you do sometimes you can't not. In my usual chaotic way I'll just dump everything I know you figure it out by yourself.

Let's take hypothetical situation- you got caught in a lie. Because I refuse to believe a fully grown woman will be caught in a push and pull about opinions I refuse to accept that. You're past 16 grow up. The way people work is the easiest way to establish power is to publicly disempower someone. What Candace Owens did. You find someone with power (and everyone has power) , you disempower them publicly you take some of that power. Because power is transferred not created. so people constantly try to find faults in others and when they find one BINGO they got you BUT. BUT. You see that thing Keke Palmer did with Usher and her baby sperm donor? That's power. That's refusing of letting go of that power. That's what I want to teach you, how to not get owned. (PS, I looooooove liars but don't lie if you don't have to, and I'll teach y'all how to lie so you stop sabotaging yourself). SO I caught you in a lie. I make a public show of 'calling you out' on it. Fully expecting you to stand up for yourself by going into defence so I can actuallyown you and in a sweeet sweeeet sweeet public play that will make me the big dog and you just a pathetic lying little bitch. Remember when I told you I'll teach you how to people???????? MOOOOOOOOTHHHHHHHHHERRRRRRR KNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOWWWWWWWWWWS BEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSST. First. Never. Ever. Ever. EVER. In your entire life. Jump into defense. Don't ever get defensive it's better to go down with your pride. Can you see a lion defending itself against a rabbit? Exactly. The politics of the jungle work like this- you're either prey or predator. In this survival game we call life- you NEVER . EVER. EVER. Want to signal you're prey. We don't run. We don't hide. We don't defense. Sometimes we really are prey but even then we play tactical defense. What do we do in our hypothetical situation here?

Exaggeration. This is my favorite go to ever. Its when you take the bait but in a way that makes them look bad. In a uh huh uh huh way. When there is no tangible evidence and it's your word against mine, whoever goes into offense / accuser will always have the upper hand because a) you can not prove a negative. Law girls will tell you you can not prove that you did *not*. Two offense is the power point and it's already taken so now you have to fall into defense. And defense is already powerlessness. By being accused, you've already lost. So you can take it, but too far that it loses meaning.

Example; I accuse you of say, sleeping with someone. You can't prove that you didn't. So I hit you with the oh I heard you spread your legs for x so you could get this. And you just- sigh. Lean back. Slap on your most bored face. Sip your coffee. Say yes actually I did. Him and his dad and your dad and my dad and triple orgy with the Oligarchs of Russia. We have tapes on the black market. Wait have you ever done ab Eiffel tower? X and your dad did it and I went all night then they gave me this Y thing that I'm obviously not smart enough or capable enough to get by myself because I'm obviously some dumb blond girl yes you're right Andrew can I work now or do you want it in writing. Yes you're right. And I'll fuck them all plus you if you want for this other thing I want that I'm again not smart or capable enough to get by myself as you can tell. Can I wear my earpods back. I need to visualize fucking Enhypen for a ticket, as a girl like me does. Is there anything else you want from me? Video essay?? My soul? What?

2. Yes. And? Yeah I did now what? Why? Because the power of accusing or argument is to make you look smaller and to make you ashamed. When you're not, the cards are reversed. Now they get to feel the shame. Same scenario - you slept with X for Y. So they make a scene about it. First, it doesn't matter of it's true no one cares about the truth. It's not about truth it's about power. You've been alive long enough for this. Soo it doesn't really matter if you did or didn't. So you sigh. Plug one side earpod off. Sip your coffee. Nod. Say nothing, give them the most blank stare ever. So you accept? You nod again. Look at your watch. Look at their forehead. Then neck. Then waistline. Then shoes. Then back to forehead. Then back to your watch. Then eyes. Then arch a brow. Say nothing else. Whatever they say, you nod. Let them trip over their words looking to make you feel guilty. Say nothing outside one word answers. Or simple nods. Actually no words, just nods. Cross your legs. At some point get your earpod back on and go back to work.

3. The whatever you say my guy tactic. The talking to a 9 year old tactic. The awww you little guy!! Tactic. The get them off their game tactic because people that come in accusation come with power, so making them look infantile takes it all away and they have to struggle to get it back. Same accusation, you go- in a soft voice, an awww voice - ah is that so? *Turn to your laptop* when was this? And I was in the room? Wait I was doing the hanky panky? Does he know about this? Oh, that sounds good I guess *sip your coffee* sorry, when exactly was this? Ahhh I see. Okay. So *pause, scroll a bit* sorry, where were we? Oh yeah. Yeah okay I guess. Is there anything else you needed cause I *look at them* wait sorry. What again?

[znivlho]

Out of jealousy.

pairing : storm shadow x male reader

genre: smut to fluff

cw: NSFW 18+, rough sex, anal, oral, rimming, riding, blowjob, creampie

anon's request :

i wish to request please! I've been good crazy for Storm Shadow since the first G.I Joe movie and i quiet have this thought in my mind(i think it'll be quiet long, I'm sorry) so the Reader is one of student in Arashikage clan (most likely like Snake Eyes) him and Storm Shadow had a great relationship, they trained together, studied together, hang out together. The reader was a place for him to come back whenever he get upset or his jealousy toward Snake Eyes flaring.

Storm shadow developed liking for the reader while reader remain think of it as friendship(well, they were a children back then). So when the Hard Master died and Storm Shadow left, he felt betrayed, angry, in pain both from the grief for Hard Master and abandonment by Storm Shadow. But different from other, the reader don't believe the accusation that was thrown to his 'friend'.

Back to current time, the reunion of this two happened, and of course it's full of fight with Reader end up getting kidnapped by Storm Shadow. Other hostages was put in cells while reader was put in his private quarters by request of Storm Shadow himself because the liking he developed in his childhood seem turn to something more (cough obsession cough). So yeah, the confrontation happened and something snapped in him and Storm Shadow end up fucking him hard and rough. I thinking Storm Shadow the type that will leave mark in every spot and places on reader, outside and inside.

This is my request, I'm sorry if it's so long but i appreciate it a lot if you write it 🙏🏻🥲

~

i love this request so much that i had so many ideas on how to write it, thank you so so much anon, please accept this emoji ⭐️ as a gift and please use it if youll request again🙏

NSFW 18+, read at your own risk.

you suddenly woke up, blinking your eyes open as you stare at the ceiling with a dim light open. where are the others? why are you even laying down on a bed while the others fight? is it over?

many thoughts lingered to your mind as you looked around the room, but then you saw a familiar figure beside you, staring at you with those fierce eyes of his. those eyes who you missed to look at every single day since you were kids.

"storm..?"

you called out, seeing your childhood friend who wore an white shirt along with a short sitting on the floor beside you, but you can feel his eyes stare at your soul. you were frozen on the spot, he was now infront of you, the man who you waited in your whole entire life since he left.

"w-where have you been?? youre all grown up.."

you sat up as you asked worriedly about him, seeing him after many decades that you though he was dead. the last words turned into a whisper as you slowly reached your hand to his cheek.

"why did you left..?"

you spoke up, you have many questions in mind about him. but he kept quiet, suspiciously quiet while staring at you with those eyes of his that you cant explain what is it express.

"why are you with snake eyes?"

he finally spoke up, but not the question you expect. you cant explain to him, how you were with the man he hated so much since he show up just for him to be replaced and the hard master left him out like he never existed.

you were also caught by snake eyes. the more the latter has been hanging out with you the more you and storm became distant.

"i.."

you slowly pulled your hand away from his cheek, but he suddenly and swiftly pulled you closer to him that your faces almost touched.

"why?"

his grip around your wrist tighten, his eyes were fiercely staring straight into your soul. he wasnt like this before, he changed a lot.

you looked away, trying to look away from that stare that you thought it would gouge your eyes out if you kept looking at him.

well, thats a wrong move for you to make.

his hand went up to your chin as he agressively pulled you closer, his lips connected to yours hungrily that he craved it for a very long time. his hand pushed you down to the bed on your back agressively, pouring out all of his anger that he take up back then.

his tongue went straight into your mouth, exploring each corner and crevice he can feel inside. biting your bottom lips hardly until it bleeds, making you whine in pain. his teeth captured your tongue, biting it hard enough that it left a mark that was gushing out blood.

you were in pain but it felt too good. you cant understand why you cant stop what he was doing to you even though it hurts that you gave in. the more he kissed you hungrily and agressively, the more you got used to it and the more you became more desperate.

his hands roam around your body, ripping the fabric that was on his way to your skin. the both of his hands felt your body for the first time in many decades he wished he would touch, roaming around like it was looking for something.

your body was fit to his own hands, muscular yet so tiny beneath him. holding your waist with both of his massive hands make him feel so satisfied, he cant choose which part of your body was his favorite but instead he would pick all of it.

he leaned away but then he started attacking your neck like his life was depending on it, so desperate he had to mark every inch he touches with bite marks and hickeys. most bites were hard and deep that he made it slightly bleed on purpose, sucking it after till it was swollen then move to a next skin he would find. he wouldnt leave an inch without his mark and he didnt care if people sees it, he wants everyone to know.

meanwhile, you were a mess below him. whimpering and moaning at every action he made that made you feel pleasure, sweat dripping down along with strands of hair curled around your forehead. you never thought that you needed this, that it was that thing that made you feel pleasure for the first time.

he leaned away as he looked at you full with swollen marks and hickeys around your neck down to your collarbone and ended to your chest, your hair all messed up to the pillow as you look at him with those desperate eyes of yours made him turn on so much.

but he still not satisfied with the marks he made, and he would love to put more around your skin.

he leaned down to your chest, playing with your nipples that are desperate for touch, he sucked on it like a newborn who seeks for their mother's milk.

it was the sensitive part of your body, your voice betrays you as you let out questionable moans. even though he cant see your full face, he was satisfied with those sounds that went through his ear like music.

he bit down both of your nipples, making it both have the same mark as it pops up swollen up from his sucking. he went down to your lower torso, your fine toned body was perfect to him he cant stop marking at it.

he then suddenly leaned into your head again as he lifted you up, making you lie down on your stomach while his hard breathing was loud next to your ear.

"mh.. ive been waited for so long.. look what you did to me.."

he huskily whispered to your ear as he leaned his hips to your ass, making you feel how he was hard beneath the cloth he was wearing.

just by feeling it make you jolt by how long it was, how you felt it twitching in the fabric as it touches you.

"seeing you with snake eyes makes me dissapointed, and angry.."

he continued whispering while his hands do the job to pull away the pants youre wearing, his lips biting your ear till it was swollen.

"do you like that bastard?"

he asked as he gripped down tightly on your hair, making you throw back your head just for him to see.

you didnt answer, you cant even for a single word. you can sense he was mad angry inside unlike the emotions he was showing.

he scoffed after not hearing any response from you as you felt a tip aligned to your aching hole.

without any warning, he shoved inside his throbbing cock to you without any lube, any preperation, just straight filling your insides up.

you screamed at the sudden movement, the pain aching around you especially inside. he didnt even move yet but his tip was hitting your prostate.

he whispered to your ear once more as he started thrusting into you hardly and aggressively, hitting your spot every thrust as you felt your insides will tear apart when this continues.

"ill ask that later."

you cant hide your moans, it was getting loud from time to time and he really liked it. seeing you a mess down below him makes him satisfied.

he picked up his pace as you were reaching your climax, his hand held your throbbing cock, teasing its tip as he suddenly matched the pace betwwen his thrusts and his hand going up and down to your throbbing cock.

you cried out a moan as you came, him following not a long after. you catched your breath for a while, but he suddenly flipped ypu together so that hes below you.

he pushes you up to sit while his cock still inside you, making you whimper by the movement as his cum drips down from your aching hole.

"that was just a warmup, (name)."

he whispered to your ear as his hands gripped down to your hips as he raised you up from his cock, then suddenly slammed you down.

earning a loud moan from you, he then continues the agressive and hard pace for a long time..

not only did he cum twice, for 6 rounds he took you in.

{bonus}

after taking care of you, let you wore his fresh clothes, changed the sheets, let you drank water, he crawled in the bed to you as his head rested on your lap.

your hands quickly move to his cheek as you caressed it, moving away his hair that was blocking his face as you leaned on the headboard.

"you know, i-" "we'll talk about that tomorrow."

you cut him out as your eyes were closed as you continued to caress his cheek, only for him to fall asleep quickly.

[raybeam-littlebean]

I saw a post some time ago (wish so much that I had reposted it then) that said something along the line of this:

"If you're going to make Bruce out to be a bad father and how all his wrongs, then you can't have Alfred being the greatest person in the world. That you must expose him as well."

Paraphrasing, of course, but it was essentially the post. And then it goes on to point out many of Alfred's flaws and actions he's done repeatedly that bathe him in a less than saintly light. We all give the man a pass, no war in Ba Sing Se, but I feel like we need to judge everyone.

So I say it with my chest, Bruce Wayne was a bad father. Terrible even. Stuck between mentor and father figure he didn't even want to be. Just like Alfred, but worse in a way. He fucked those kids up. And I don't care how DC writes him, I will never forgive him. And sure, I will see some media of "good dad Bruce" and I smile and like it, but still. I know in my heart, this is a terrible father. Is he a bad person? Probably not. Is he doing his best? Probably. But if that's his best, I'd hate to see his worst.

And Alfred. Stuck between butler and guardian. He fed into Bruce's delusions and self destruction, until it might cost Bruce his life, then Alfred would step in. After all, if the master was dead he'd be out of a job. And everything else he has done, too much to name. But the unforgivable one being what he put of Jason's head stone.

Clark doesn't get a pass either. Bouncing blue boy scout, count your fucking days. He sees life in black and white, thinking that because Conner was made by the "bad guy" he must be bad. Even after everyone finally "accepted him" he STILL felt alienated and it was because of Clark. No amount of back pedaling will get me to overlook that. For a man that sees everything as a definite right and wrong, he makes a lot of wrong choices when it comes to his children.

And Oliver. I hate you. Death by firing squad at sunset. I will take care of Roy, better than you ever could.

This was a DC parent hate post brought to you by blurred morals and my own hate for my parental figures

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

Community and your Individual Power

I have been trying to figure out a way to put this into words that make sense. I don't believe in fate.

I don't believe in the idea that we all have a specific purpose given to us by a specific entity. What I do believe in is the collective unconscious. That there is something out there, that we don't understand that connects us. I believe that minute actions by individuals over millennia make waves they never saw the outcome for. Synchronicity is a real phenomenon. We perceive more similar things once we've been exposed to them because our brains recognize patterns they're more familiar with. I didn't find OFMD because some power that be pointed me to it. I found OFMD because I was missing something in my life, and I was lonely, and over time I exposed myself to more and more queer content, and that queer content shared space with OFMD. The reason I was able to expose myself to more queer content was because of years of artists and creators pushing the boundaries of what was "tolerated" in society-- so that content was available. I was able to access more of what I needed, because I went through hellish things in my life that put me on the path of therapy, and therefore the path of loving myself more, and accepting who I was, and my desires and leanings. I was able to figure out my leanings because others had the courage to share their own feelings and desires, and I found that mine aligned with some of them. I was able to do that because people I knew, people who had been through therapy, been through self discovery, told me it was okay, and accepted me.

I was able to meet those people because my parents, despite disagreeing with those leanings encouraged me to talk to people and get to know people and listen before I spoke. When I was younger, I was able to be exposed to queer media because I got a job at Suncoast, because my parents let me buy Dragon Ball tapes there, and the manager wanted someone who knew anime, and was willing to give 16 year old me a chance. I was able to get into anime and manga because my dad and mom met in Japan because my mom's first husband left her for reasons I won't explain,-- and so they encouraged me to learn Japanese because I found it fascinating and connected with it on a personal level. I was able to get into queer manga because an artist in another country (Matou Sanami) pushed a boundary of what was accepted in society, and they were able to do that because of people like Martha P. Johnson who fought for queer rights in the Stonewall Riots-- and so on and so forth. All the joy I am getting to experience right now is because of endless little and big things that others did and sacrificed, and how I navigated through the results of that. Nothing happened in a vacuum. I had biases I now don't. I changed. I evolved, I'm still evolving. I'm still learning, and I always will be. I met all of you before what's currently happening in the US today because my journey led me to you. Because of the sacrifices, and the courage of so many millions of people over the entirety of human history to just-- be themselves. I met you because I needed to meet you, and all the complicated strings of events that led me to that need. I know I'm not alone in this. We have each other now, to help us navigate this increasingly difficult and oppressive time for ourselves and the ones we love (and the people we don't even know). That's not even mentioning the already existing structural biases so many of our crew face (racism, gender inequality, etc). Community develops out of necessity, and that's what we are. We are community.

Community fosters education and acceptance, and supports resistance and topples oppression.

Community is what sustains us. It evolves as we do. Even if we aren't in the same physical place, solidarity and support reaches through time and space. Community is how we heal. Lean on your community, whether that is in person, or online. We came together because we needed to come together. We came together because human beings are complex and beautiful, and we carve out our little communities for ourselves in our various spaces. If you're low on spoons, or money, or hope. Reach out to your community. Community is how we rise.

But most of all. Remember that you are so very powerful. Your tiny actions, though you will never see the results of them change lives. So very many lives. You are a tiny powerful force and together, we can be a community of tiny powerful forces until one day, we make waves that not only help us, but the millions of lives ahead of us. Community is how we survive. Being ourselves is how we foster future generations to be themselves and take actions. I truly do love you crew , and I know so many people do, please remember that when all hope seems lost. Let us be your hope. Let us be your support. <3

[555grlbl0gr]

Hey what did u manifest??

- my manifestation journey -

Hiii this is my first question I’ve received on my blog and I’m sooo excited to answer!!

I’ve manifested so much!! I literally transformed my whole life basically. I got serious about spirituality and manifestation at the end of summer when my life was falling apart (my friend had passed away, my family was not on good terms, and I was in treatment for my an0rexia and mental health) and all I did was refuse to accept my current state. Here’s all the things I’ve manifested so far:

-recovering completely from my ed

- I was originally diagnosed with bpd but i manifested it off of my medical records and I just don't have it anymore

- the PERFECT boyfriend (he wasn't necessarily an sp because I kind of manifested him out of thin air). How I did it was I scripted in detail my ideal boyfriend and this guy dm'd me on instagram and we started hanging out and he asked me to be his gf a month later. I even scripted that he was spiritually connected and the next time we hung out we had a deep conversation about tarot and spirituality and meditation. It was AMAZING AND SO COOL

- all my family's issues to be worked out and now we are all happy

- a new friend group

- my roots are black now (I originally had ginger hair that I went over with black box dye) and healthy hair and my curls look better than ever

- hourglass figure

- getting paid for literally purely existing

- finding happiness and self love

- manifesting instantly

- inducing pure consciousness on command

- snow!! (I live in the south so we never get snow but I affirmed that it’s literally snowing and it snowed like 5 inches today)

Anyways babes i believe in you! You can manifest anything and remember you are limitless!!!

[lastoneout]

Something I somehow didn't see coming about accepting that I'm butch and bigender, is that now that I understand dysphoria as it exists within me...I don't think I can to back.

I got rid of most of my "girl" clothes, aside from stuff that reads and androgynous/or has utility/actually fits comfortably like my girl shorts(men's shorts are very hit or miss for me) but I decided to keep a couple of pairs of jeans as well as a few shirts in case I ever need to go stealth and I figured like, because I'm bigender and still very in touch with being a woman I would be able to go cis girlmode without much trouble.

But now that I'm sitting here thinking about how I don't know if it's safe for me to go out dressed as myself, suddenly the thought of having to dress in only women's clothes legit makes me feel sick. Like I want to cry. I thought I'd be good with the tomboy-adjacent girl clothes if I need them but I'm not. I never want to wear them again.

Just like damn that post about how you can be trans without dysphoria but a lot of people don't realize their even feeling dysphoria in the first place because if it's been the background radiation of your entire life you learn to tune it out? OP was not kidding. Now that I've ripped the trans bandaid off the adhesive has worn off, I can't re-apply it, I don't think I can go back.

It seems obvious, but I really didn't expect it, just because I figured that my dysphoria was basically non-existent and thus I could just dress however especially bcs I still ID with being a woman, just woman + man, but nah. It's done.

Can't help but feel resentful due to our current government and social climate, I'm finally happy with who I am, and I genuinely LIKE being seen as queer in whatever way the person looking decides is correct, but that will paint a target on my back and taint the joy with fear. Like I wish I had figured this out sooner. Having to do even just the pretty low stakes transition + accepting and understanding myself NOW is rough.

[thekeithmeister]

Hopeless In Georgia

I'm a trans man in Georgia and it feels completely hopeless. I've fought my whole life to defend who I am, my love for my wife, our marriage, our existence. The first time around with Trump was hard enough. But this 2nd time is proving impossible. The entire United States government and the President of the United States have made it very clear that they hate and want to eradicate trans people. How am I supposed to fight against the authority figures of the most powerful country in the world? I was ready to fight once again. Fight to defend my wife and our marriage. Fight to defend our home and our friends, regardless of how impossible it seemed. But I recently found out my father-in-law, not only voted for Trump but is completely unconcerned about this most recent anti-trans executive order that was just passed. The one saying that all federal documentation will have your birth sex on it. The one saying trans people cannot use federal facilities aligned with their gender. That there IS no more gender. Only two sexes: male and female. When my wife text'd my father-in-law telling him how scared we were, his response was to say that the "extreme left is fear-mongering" and blowing things completely out of proportion and that although he knows we'll have "hardships" it's not going to be nearly as bad as we're saying. What the ever loving fuck? The President of the United States, the United States government just said I am not a man and must identify as a woman and use women's facilities and that I, as a human being, am illegal. But we're "extreme left?" We have a document in black and white but this is "fear-mongering?" I can only come to the conclusion that my father-in-law never saw me as a man and never saw me as his equal. After having transitioned over 7 years ago and completely passing, it doesn't matter. To even a person who knows me and I THOUGHT cared about me, I am still less than. I am still not fully a human being. He sees no problem with me being arrested if I use a men's room, or if my documents that I worked YEARS to change and spent THOUSANDS of dollars on, might now be reversed and have a big fat F on them. It was one thing to gear up for a fight against a faceless enemy, no matter how gigantic or powerful, like the United States government, but it is something else entirely to have your own family tell you that you are less than human. Not worthy of respect or the same rights as everyone else. The blow has hit me so hard. And I can't stop thinking that if people who KNOW me can't love and support me, how the hell am I ever to expect strangers to think of me as a person who deserves the same treatment as everyone else? How am I EVER supposed to be accepted in society? This is only day 3 of the Trump regime. I can't even fathom how on earth I'm going to survive 4 years of this. Especially knowing there is far worse to come. I don't know what to do. I can't fight the United States government. I can't fight against more than half of the American population who seem to think I'm not a human being. I can't do this. I don't want to suffer for the next 4 years. I don't want to even think about losing my house, my home, my friends, my family, and a job I love to up and move to a new state or even a new country. I don't want to do that! What would my wife and I do? Start over in a homeless shelter? We don't have the money to do something so crazy! To move to a place where we don't know anybody! Everything I love is here in Georgia! I can't do it! I can't just sacrifice everything and move away from everything I care about! I don't know what to do. All I know is I don't want to endure it. And every time I think "I can't do this," scary thoughts about an easy way out start to crop up. And I could NEVER do that to my wife and my friends. So all that is left... is to just sit here and suffer for years to come.

[zara-renata]

jumping up and down pls pls pls tell me your thoughts on caleb’s lore in the main story and what u think after going through his memoria and bond. as soon as they brought up the chip in the main story i wanted to throw my ipad bc i thought they were gonna do the whole “oh he’s not actually like that his mind is twisted from the chip” thing. but then he directly addressed that idea so i was like ok wow i guess not but everyone seems to think he is actually being controlled by the chip??? idk

heey thank you for this ask, i have a lot of thoughts as usual, thank you for asking <3 just a note: i wholly accept the gege caleb is your adopted brother aspect of his story like in the CN, KR, and JP versions, so i'm referring to him as mc's brother below. you can switch out brother for childhood friend; in either case, mc has a deeply rooted relationship with him.

First off, if I had a braincell I might have worried about the chip controlling his brain as a plot device, but I got the yandere vibes from him before he blew up, so that didn't even occur to me. But who are these 'everyone' of whom you speak? I don't think he's being controlled by the chip to any extent that matters in regards to his feelings and behavior towards mc. He's actively fighting against the chip's influence with his wildly cute and bizarre little black hole in his brain blocking its further invasion into his mind. the cliffhanger is, can the EVER scientists figure out a way to work around the block he's thrown up to actually exert control over him? The answer will be -> fuck if I know, I've never played an infold/PG game to later stages, but this is a dating sim, i'm assuming he'll be fine.

But I do think that all of his obsession about MC is wholly his own. His only wish in high school was MC's name -> MC herself. His need to protect her, to provide for her, all his own. he's been wearing a mask his whole life, he tells MC straight up that 'maybe this is how i've always been' because that's who he has always been. he's just finally "done playing these games" and is finally unapologetic about what he wants and is tired of fighting himself in getting it. I love him so much for it. "I know best, I'm the only one who can do this for you, and i'm going to do it whether you like it or not." and then if MC refuses to listen to him, if she pushes back, he looks like a kicked puppy and still keeps doing it. He's Like That without the chip. Is what he's doing okay? No man, this is unhealthy as fuck. if you want a healthy relationship based on mutual trust and support, you don't lie to and drug your sister-girlfriend. you don't urge her to be a hunter and then not trust that she can also take care of herself. you don't loom outside the cafe she's out at friends with and scare her friends into thinking you're some kind of abusive controlling asshole. I mean, unless you're caleb, and he doesn't care, he's finally owning his red flags. But I think it's fabulous to see his pikachu face when MC is like, i don't know you anymore, I might not want to see you for awhile, i'm pissed that you're still treating me like a defenseless little girl when i'm a trained killer now too. he deserves to look like that after all the shit he pulls. i like that infold just takes him right to the edge but doesn't push him over into 'okay this isn't fun anymore' territory with all of his core traits and motivations. he does let her go in the end, he lets her get in the airplane, escape the cage he's dying to put her in. with just the little card, begging her forgiveness, the forgiveness she promised him years ago.

But i digress. I really like the main storyline, but it's not without its flaws. So the things I liked: i'm shocked and happy that they made him full on yandere with the drugging mc and locking her in the house and then locking her in the infirmary and sidelining her at every opportunity in order to protect her. Those parts were great. I think the main story line was a wonderful showcase of how him as a character. I love his tenderness, and his suffocating presence were really well done. I loved how unhinged he is when MC says she doesn't need him, and he knocks over the apples and is laughing in breathless disbelief. Unmasked caleb = hot and a little scary. but please note! even when he's really upset, he does not hurt her! he's a hell of a lot more gentle than sylus! just, you know, throwing that out there.

What I didn't like: I thought that the plot was kind of all over the place. and like they often do in games like these, they nerfed MC in order to emphasize caleb's personality and traits and strengths. the whole mia and kevi storyline was a tragedy, and MC made some stupid-ass choices in it for an elite hunter. Like, the parallels with CalebMC were really clumsy, it felt a bit exploitative because they were such little kids, and for me its only value was highlighting how little Caleb cares about collateral damage in his quest to protect MC. He does not give a fuck if a little girl just like MC dies, as long as MC herself lives. That's some stone-cold villain shit, and I like it. They gave me my green flag with Sylus, I'm happy to have someone with such chilling aspects to his character as a nice balance. ALSO with the main storyline: Look, I love the other LIs. But Zayne, you're green grass, you're so lovely, but i am here for my toxic brother-boyfriend, why are you showing up and making me love how gentle and tender you are, genuinely are, unlike the fucked up walking disaster of a man i'm absolutely swooning over, who is gentle and tender in the way a child is when accidentally suffocating carefully-caught butterfly under a glass bell. Go on zayne, back to akso, I want more of the insecure border collie/german shepard crossbreed puppy masquerading as a colonel.

So because I am mainly interested in this game for the characters and their relationships to MC, I don't really mind that my low expectations for the the actual plot of the game tend to be proven correct and leave so much to be desired. but, If the plot was perfect I wouldn't feel the need to write fic to fix it, so I'm not too upset.

Another thing I hated, but I knew i'd hate: their reunion was so tepid. MC's joy in seeing him again, the relief that he's actually alive, her rage, her grief, everything he put her through in the past year -> like with sylus, glossed over, not addressed to the full extent necessary for a fun story or for emotional catharsis. i thought it was hilarious that mc is like, oh my brother is now a space nazi, and she is immediately ride-or-die, 'i don't even care that you're doing such awful shit, i've got your back no matter what,' even though he put her through so much and reveals himself through the whole main story to be Not The Brother She Knew. Who is this stranger? Apparently MC doesn't care, he wears caleb's face, so she's going to trust him. incredible. stupid. hilarious. but, oh well, that's what fic is for, to fix this nonsense. sidenote: Sylus didn't get this level of benefit of the doubt! MC made him suffer for SO long, suspecting him, not trusting anything he did! justice for sylus! and he had done way less horrible shit than MC watches caleb do!

As for the memoria and the bond: i love that he's been obsessed and nuts about her since high school, long before he left for the DAA. I love that the 4 star cards are all set in the past, but slowly show their growing romantic feelings for each other in high school, and don't just focus exclusively on cute childhood nostalgia. i love that they show how loving caleb is, when he's not wearing his space nazi uniform. because yes he's controlling, possessive, ruthless in a way that not even sylus is, but he really does love mc. he really does want whats best for her, and i think one of his character developments in the game will be learning to let her walk next to him instead of always sidelining her and making her feel less-than as a result. i love that she and caleb fight, and get in spats, and then make up, and he shows all of his emotions on his face. I love that in his memories he tells her that she's beautiful, that he thinks she's amazing. he's so open with his affection for her, and i love that so much, it's heart-fluttering.

Also some more thoughts about Caleb and Sylus I was sharing with @minniestarmj today: i love that caleb and sylus are two sides of the same coin. they're both caretakers, they both are obsessive about mc, they both track her and stalk her, and want what's best for her and to be the ones to give it, but Sylus never considered himself human but slowly finds his humanity in mc, and caleb, if he ever had humanity, slowly loses it because of mc.

they're both brain-empty, only-mc levels of motivation. sylus, though not being human, cares about weaker creatures. caleb only cares about mc, despite being human.

sylus is assured, stable, deeply devoted, MC is his other half, and just as strong and capable as he is. caleb is deeply insecure, unstable, has a trouble keeping a lid on his need for control of and protection of mc. sylus fully respects mc, trusts she can do anything, and is just waiting to step in to support when/if necessary. caleb is fear motivated-i think he does respect, admires, worships mc, but is too afraid of anything happening to her and leaving him alone to give her the freedom she craves/needs.

I love that sylus is the king of control, and can give it up so easily to MC, whereas Caleb is so desperate for control, and is always on the verge of losing it around MC. that's a nice fucking contrast to play with in their respective romances.

All in all, with both Sylus and Caleb, I get my healthy, sweetest beyond measure dragon boy and i get my unhinged yandere cyborg boy, and i love them both very much. i'm happy with the caleb as a character, and all the content they've given us so far. it's a mess, just like him.

So! despite all my bitching i love it and I'm having a great time! Thanks for the ask and making it this far in this rambling diatribe!!

[apomaro-mellow]

Let's get you that bingo🎉 has anyone requested phone sex yet?

Steddie Bingo Prompot: Phone Sex

Eddie had thought the most hectic things could get were fighting monsters from a parallel dimension but he was wrong. The five months that followed the Spring Break from Hell were the most chaotic of his life. Between healing from his injuries, finding out what the hell happened in California and Russia (goddamn), getting his named cleared, having a diploma thrown in his face, reconnecting with his uncle and friends, being brought into the weird little throng of resident monster hunters, it was all so overwhelming. And that was only half of it. The other half was all Steve Harrington. Eddie figured they'd have some kind of tentative friendship, a mutual respect for each other going forward.

He didn't expect to fall in love.

He also didn't expect Steve to reciprocate. For Steve though, it seemed as easy as breathing. The wrench in the works came when partway through summer, Steve found he'd been accepted at a college. One all the way in Virginia. Within a week of that, Corroded Coffin got discovered and a manager wanted them on the road right away.

Heading west of course.

Just as quickly as they had come together, things tried to pull them apart. But Eddie was tenacious and Steve was steadfast and together they made it work. Mostly through calling. Back in high school, Steve imagined college as bigger parties, looser girls, days running into each other. But reality was better. He stayed in more, with the hopes of getting a call from Eddie. He wasn't doing great in his classes but he wasn't failing either. And since admitting to being an idiot, his pride wasn't too high to attend tutoring sessions.

All to say, life had turned out so differently as he imagined, yet he wouldn't change it for the world. He was in the middle of reading (for fun!) when his phone rang.

"Eddie?"

"Hey angelface."

Steve swooned, suddenly feeling such strong longing. Last time they'd talked, the band was halfway through Wyoming. "Where are you guys now?"

"Just a few miles from Carson City. We convinced Merv to stop for the night."

Steve rolled his eyes. He wasn't the biggest fan of Merv. "He's got you guys all sharing a room again?"

"Actually...the guys decided to go out on the town." Eddie made a drown out sound like he was stretching, probably across a bed.

"Sooo, you're all alone right now?", Steve asked, twirling the cord around his finger.

"Yep. And I assume you're all alone too, handsome?"

"I assume your hand is already down your pants.

I haven’t even gotten to say what I wanna do to you.”

Eddie chuckled on the other end of the line. “Well don’t leave me hangin’, baby.”

Steve hummed in thought as he also got comfortable in bed. “You know what I’ve been thinking a lot about?”

“What’s that?”

“You, me, a really nice hotel room…”

“Hmm, how nice?”

“The nicest. It’s Vegas. There’s a fountain, valets, and you just finished a show, so you’re all amped up.” Steve’s hand went over his jeans and palmed himself, thinking of how Eddie got after performing. “I left the show early, I’m all ready for you in our room.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I’m in those shorts you like.”

“Oh baby~” Eddie’s voice held a shiver.

“You can’t wait to get on me”, Steve continued. “You’re already on top of me, hard.”

“Fuck yeah, my baby loves when I hump him like an animal”, Eddie growled.

Steve moaned, unzipping his pants. He was about to stick his hand down when he had the bright idea to use the pillow instead. It wasn’t exactly Eddie’s weight on top of him, but it was closer than just his hand. “Yeah”, he sighed. “You’re right on top of me. I’m spreading my legs and your cock’s on mine and it’s so hot and thick, Eddie.”

“Shit.” Eddie whimpered and Steve could tell he was getting close. “Gonna make me cum in my pants again, Stevie?”

“Mmm, you love it", Steve said, hips rolling against the pillow.

"Can't wait to have you again, have you under me again, taking it like you were made for it, fuck."

"I am", Steve breathed out. "I am made for it. Fuck, Eddie, I need you so muuuch."

"You got me baby", Eddie's hand was moving fast, stroking himself up and down and imagining his dick sliding against Steve's.

For a few moments, they simply breathed on the line, listening to each others moans and fantasizing about what they'd do once they were together again. Eddie came first, with a long drawn out groan that brought Steve over the edge too. Then it was just the sound of them panting.

Eddie was the first to speak up once he caught his breath. "You ever thought about spending Christmas in Louisiana?"

Steve smiled. "I'll mark my calendar."

@steddiebingo

Card:

[youngwonhui]

✦ live on my knees, make you see | ch. 2

*•. member: choi seungcheol x afab reader

*•. summary: your life goes on, and it leads you to more and more interweaving encounters. Things progresses between you and Seungcheol. More rollercoaster to ensues.

*•. genre: angst, strangers to lovers; kinda, corporate and family drama, life and misunderstanding happened in general

*•. wc: 9963

*•. warnings: unintentionally introducing corporate drama. no, i am not projecting. maybe.

*•. cross posted in AO3

chapter 1 | chapter 2

Shrinking.

That’s the feeling that has been eating your nerve for the past week.

Your team or your new boss never question you when you took a week to work remotely from your house instead of going to the office. A general concern from your team, but nothing that you couldn’t handle with a few excuses of feeling mildly unwell.

Which isn’t exactly wrong.

But the underlying feeling of being a coward doesn’t sit well beneath your skin. Getting you restless even when you’re lying down your bed, safe under the cover. Your thought runs to the unexpected meeting at Seungcheol’s front door.

You remember when your mom caught you once in middle school. Skipping class and spending time in a PC room. Unfortunately she had caught on your investigative mission of looking around the internet For your so called ‘father’.

It resulted in hours of your mother’s scolding. Back then it meant nothing. But eventually you realize that half of her anger wasn’t so much because of you, but because of the fact that you just unearthed. How your father is posting a photo of him and a little boy. Proudly captioned with somewhere along the line of a special day at school with said little boy.

Back then, or now, you can always recognize the bright brown eyes and high cheekbones. How he grown out of a curly hair and braces. If you have any conscience, you would be ashamed of stalking a stranger on the internet. But your anger, it stained your heart and then dried with animosity for years.

For now, obliviousness and daily routine will be your medicine.

As you took another step that morning, finally coming back to the office, wind gets impossibly brisk with every movement you make. Looking down to your feet, you didn’t manage to notice the familiar figure waiting for you by the entrance of the building. Disheveled as ever, tuft of dark brown curls making its way out of the tied hoodie.

“Y/n.”

Looking up, the sight of a visibly sleepy Seungcheol welcomes you. His lips stretch into a lazy smile as he makes his way to you. Dimple carving deeper the closer he came to you. Gulping down the words you wanted to make, you simply accept a cup of warm coffee thrusted to you. Another cup perched in Seungcheol’s grip.

“If you’re not too busy after work, do you want to come up later?” The man in front of you paused, a little unsure in his words but he immediately nodded lightly. More to himself rather than to convince you. Both of you know that you give each other enough respect to do anything you wanted to do. Or in this case, you’re free to say no to his offer.

The long curl that escaped the hoodie has made its way to his barely opened eyes. The warmth of familiarity hits your chilling bone.

How most of your morning spent bumping into Seungcheol like this. After he spend ungodly hours in his studio or apartment. Then, only when the day finally breaks and a glimpse of sunlight finally shown its way past the horizon, only then Seungcheol would finally steps outside to fresh air.

Unfortunately you can only remain silent, unable to offer him a word to cheer up his barely starting day. Fingers gripping the cup rather tightly as you rearrange your thought.

Noticing this, Seungcheol’s free hand enveloped yours. Warmth emanating yours as you sigh defeatedly. With one last caress from Seungcheol’s thumb, he retracted with a murmur of time. Somewhere along the line of not wanting you to be late for work. He turned to the door with a little wave and a lazy smile. You follow suit and climbing up the stairs a few steps behind. Until you arrived at your floor and Seungcheol turned around to you.

“I mean it when i’m inviting you Y/n, so please knock on my door. It’s only me and no one else. If that thought bring you peace.”

\\

There were cards and flower on your desk. Mixes of ‘welcome back’ and ‘get well soon’ written in various colours and fonts. Smiling as you accept it all. Somehow you’re not surprise they—your team, even ordered a cake just to commemorate the occasion.

You had vehemently refused to put on a cone hat, but you enjoy the greeting despite the overly doting attention you had been given. You thanked them more for the work that has been cut out for you. Working a little overtime to research and oversee on-site materials that you could have missed from working remotely. So you dedicated each extra slices of cake for the three.

At the end of the day, you tried waited for everyone to leave. But none of your team wanted you to spend extra time of doing any work. You tried to assure them that you wouldn’t, but they were adamant, resulting in you blurting out that you’re going to see a friend instead.

“If i see you typing on your comp—” It was time to clock out, and you barely lift up your head to notice three pair of eyes are looking at you who still has your butt planted to your chair.

“Are you threatening me Jisun?” You chuckled, making a show to cross your arm.

“Well, you pull this kind of things often. We just don’t wanna leave until you leave.” Soyeon’s reply making you sigh in frustration. A smidge of adoration for them.

“We just want to make sure you’re not overworking yourself again.” Chan simply stated.

“Well, i am not? I’m gonna just go and see my friend and not spend any time working on anything at all.” You raise your hand in defeat. The three in front of you shares glances with meaningful silent discussion. You can still sense the doubt between them. “If you guys have to know, my friend is in this building too. That’s why i’m staying and not rushing out.”

“Then we should escort you to them.” Chan suggested, met with series of nod in approval by his friends.

“Absolutely not.”

The finality of your word eventually makes its effect moments later. When you’re closing every folder and turning your desktop off. Shouldering the bag you bring, as you ushered your team out of the room and eventually the office. True to their nature, the three-left climbing down the stairs with curious whispers.

Presumably planning a coup if they eventually make their mind to it.

There’s always the option of going home. Walking out of the building to convince them further that you wouldn’t overwork as they claim.

Yet the other choice weighs down your heart. Images flashes in your mind. Of messy, curly, and sleepy figure in most of your commute. Always within reach but seemingly far away. Although you have yourself partly to blame about that.

Heaving out a breath, you knocked at the familiar door.

Rendering a smile in your face when the door opened to a sight of Seungcheol. Not much different than this morning, only less fatigue and questionably fluffier. Somehow.

He welcomes you as always, Kkuma trotting in tow. Little paws trying its best to catch up as Seungcheol lead you to the familiar open space. Where his living room and kitchen connected as one, situated in polar opposite.

You catch the faint melody flowing through one of the speakers Seungcheol has installed in various spot of the place. Also noticing the clean state of his apartment. As if Hansol was never here at all. Opening the door to you, resulting in the shattering of your living bubble into the reality.

“Have you eaten? I ha—”

“Hansol and me— he’s my half-brother.”

At the sudden confession, Seungcheol looks up to you. Catching the air you didn’t spend. Looking back straight to Seungcheol as if you’re gauging for his response. Or simply looking for encouragement. Strengthen the bone to support you from where you stood now.

“His father have me before he went to New York and then Hansol was born. I know his father knew about my existence, but i didn’t know that Hansol does too. So, imagine my surprise when i see him opening your apartment door.”

There’s a box full of your baby pictures, hidden by the dark corner of your closet. One picture stood out. Of you, barely opening your eyes as you’re being held by a man you never felt like a father. Your mother didn’t delegate it to you, but you kept it anyway. Like an unspoken open secret.

You wished that apathy is all you felt towards those pictures. But it was otherwise back then.

Barely entering middle school and deep in a childish dispute with your mother, you opened those boxes and simply enthralled by the notion of a ‘father’. Who left you and your mother. Barely months after you breathe the air in this earth.

He left after knowing you.

And that was the spark, of your hidden obsession towards your father’s new family, the family he didn’t abandon. A new partner, a boy, and a little girl. Such perfect family.

It goes on years and years, those obsessions. Until your mother fell sick.

The thought of old memories pricked your eyes. Regrets of mistakes you could never set undone. Clenching your fist tightly to keep your proper composure, you look back at Seungcheol who remained silent. Your eyes boring into his calm composure, clad in an oversized white T-shirt and beige jogger.

“My question remained, Y/n.” Seungcheol paused before pulling a plate on the rack. “Have you eaten?”

“I haven’t but—”

“Then let’s eat. I have to shamefully admit i spend some hours on this seaweed soup but it only ended up being mediocre. At least it had plenty of meat in it. And that’s a win.” You let out a mix of laughter and exasperated sigh at Seungcheol’s proposition.

“Are you not gonna ask me anything?”

You had make a stride towards him. Now only separated by the marble countertop of Seungcheol’s kitchen island. Leaning to the surface, Seungcheol raises his brow at your question. A rebuttal that jolts your heartbeat by a split second.

“Do. You. Want. To. Try. My. Seaweed. Soup?” The emphasize on each and every word while being uttered in such deadpanned face, you can’t help the chuckle that escaped your lips. Looking away to prevent you from focusing too much on the dimple that formed on Seungcheol’s cheeks by now.

Then, you could only give in.

Sat on the dining table that couldn’t be describe by other word than ‘familiar’ and ‘cozy’. Although perched on a quite small table, you admit that you enjoy the proximity of sitting closer to share foods with Seungcheol. Other than when you can’t be bothered and just sat sprawled by the floor with pizza box by your side. That was one night after you helped Seungcheol to bathe Kkuma.

With one bowl of warm rice and more than enough portion of seaweed soup, you sat and kept the silence. You feel like you’ve said what you need and now it’s just up to Seungcheol. Although you had an inkling that it doesn’t have to be up to him.

It never was in the first place. Clarifying your situation to Seungcheol. You could’ve goes on without doing so. Yet there’s a part of your mind where it knows that the fact you just blurt out to Seungcheol lightened the weight in both of your heart and head.

“Are you gonna offer me dessert too?”

Seungcheol looks up to your suggestion, lips tugged to a smile. Cheeks fallen deeper into his dimple. Brown curls down to his eyes but you know he raises his eyebrow. It’s like a subconscious habit for him.

“Sure, what do you want?”

Seungcheol gestures you to follow him, eventually leading you to his fridge. You stood close to the open door, flinching a little from the flowing cold air. It brought you closer to Seungcheol’s side. His one arm still gripping the fridge door handle tightly.

“Don’t judge me, but i just love to stock up on many sweets. Ice cream, cheesecake, cookie dough, pastry, you name it.” Seungcheol admitted bashfully, averting his eyes up and down his fully packed fridge shelves. Strangely you can’t avert yours from his side profile. The proximity allows you to notice how long his lashes actually are.

“You want to bake some cookie?”

Your eventual suggestion earns a slow nod of approval from Seungcheol before he leans closer to you and reaching for the pre-packaged cookie dough.

It shouldn’t surprise you that Seungcheol are not well versed in baking. Based on how he’s making rounds around the space of his kitchen, only looking for utensils and finding ways to pre-heat his oven. So to cut back time, you delegate him to assist you instead.

Mixing chocolate chips and rolling out the dough evenly only took you less than thirty minutes. Seungcheol could only exclaimed in amazement beside you as you eventually slid the tray of dough into the oven.

“Why am i not surprised that you’re good at baking.” Seungcheol started, placing a timer on the top of the counter as you both wait for the cookie.

“You can’t barely call it baking compared to when i used to do a part-time at a bakery.” You chuckled, wiping some grease in your hand with a towel. Setting it aside before settling beside Seungcheol. Leaning against the counter overlooking directly to the warm oven. “But i’ll take that as a compliment.”

Silence easily weaves its way between the two of you. Soft clicking of the timer, as well as pitter patter of Kkuma walking around the apartment.

“Don’t you want to ask me anything about Hansol?” You eventually said. Looking ahead to the orange light inside the oven instead of the man beside you. The heat from his gaze felt warm on your cheek.

“Do you want talk about Hansol?” There’s a low vibration rushing down your from your nape each time Seungcheol speak. “I feel like i’m not in a position to interrogate you regarding your private matter. From where i stood what i’m able to do is invite you to dinner, accompany you to drink some beer, watch a movie, or listen when you want to talk.”

You can feel the rigid muscle on your face, brows furrowed over some jumbled thought of everything that has anything to do with Hansol. Days has passed since meeting him up close, yet your feeling still can’t make itself clear in your mind. Rendering you lost and somewhat helpless. In the end you only feels pathetic for yourself as you try to force yourself to sleep every night.

“It was always me and my mom. We understand each other, rely on each other. Even though i was a young and stupid kid. She accepted her fate to raise me alone, and i always admire her for being able to make me understand how it came to be like this.” You paused, smiling to yourself at the memories of your mother. “She also understands my anger, my spite, as well as my sadness. So— i am sorry if i couldn’t tell you anything right now Seungcheol.”

The man beside you shifted on his feet before positioning himself in front of you. He placed his palms on your arms, holding you steady. Something you didn’t know you needed, even though you’re staying in one spot.

“Then we can just bake cookies.” Seungcheol whispers, resulting to a wet chuckle from you.

“You’re taking your position very seriously huh? What’s next, you’re gonna make me watch the rom-com movie you forgot to finish?” There’s a feeling of relief that Seungcheol didn’t retract his hold. You’ve grown to enjoy the warmth from his palms.

“Well, i happened to fall asleep last night while watching ‘How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days’.”

Harmonious laughter follows to fill the room. Above the droning noises, Seungcheol bowed his head a little in abashed. Fully proving how you’ve managed to read his habit like he’s an open book. You raise your eyebrow in reply, Seungcheol fixes his eyes back to you as he lowers his hand. Regretfully so.

But thankfully he didn’t move away.

There’s a sweet scent wafting in the air. Weaving in between the two of you. A signal that the cookies are almost done baking. Freshly filled with laughter and spurred by the smile that seems like it hasn’t left Seungcheol’s face, your curiosity gets the best of you.

“Have you been waiting for me every morning?”

From this proximity, it allows you to see how Seungcheol’s eyes dance around in surprise. Eventually his gaze returns back to you, a certain confidence lodged in his frame. Wetting his lips once, Seungcheol chuckled in defeat.

“Maybe i am, if i’m not too caught up in the studio.” You blink at his answer, a jolt of surprise running in your brain. “How could i not? After seeing you run away from me like that.”

“I was not running away from you. You know that.” A nod of understanding came as Seungcheol reply. You found yourself small in recollection of that night.

“I do, but with the state you were that night.” A paused, as Seungcheol sigh deeply. “How could i not worry? and then i found out you’re not coming to work the next day? I care about you too much to not do anything and sit on my hand.”

You were waiting. For anything, any signs that Seungcheol is just joking. Or some elaborate explanation of how he only ‘cares’ as a friend. But you’re only met with Seungcheol’s face as it remain in its somewhat default setting. A soft smile and attentive dark brown eyes, almost obstructed by his brown curls.

Desperation must’ve written itself in your face, even you could feel it. The words dies in your tongue though. Fear creeps up your thought over some word Seungcheol has nonchalantly uttered. You want to curse him for that, but you found yourself swayed in the thought of being a person that he cares about.

The loud ring from the timer sends your shoulder flinching. Immediately halting the long thread of thoughts in your mind. Reaching out behind you, Seungcheol moves closer to turn off the timer. He didn’t hesitate to smile sweetly at you before putting the quiet timer back to the counter and then left you to make a beeline to the oven.

Oh, yeah. Cookies.

\\

You almost bumped to a person when you look up from your phone as you’re replying to an urgent email that find you since the break of dawn.

Quick steps fumbling on the sidewalk as you tries to stabilize both your bearing and the person you almost bumped into. Sadly some contents of your bags flown out in the process.

“I am so sorry, I didn’t look at where i am going!” Frantic voice filled your ears before you crouch down the ground to pick up any fallen objects that you recognized as yours. The remaining already picked up quickly by the other person.

You notice the long flowing brown hair with accented small braids as it’s adorned by colourful ribbon. She’s quite young, much younger than you when you managed to look closely at her face as you both stood up after finishing to pick the the fallen objects.

While rearranging the contents of her bag with one hand, you notice her other one that’s gripping her phone tight as showing her screen displaying a map. You don’t know what came over you. Seeing that you never seen the girl around this time of day, while said girl is holding a map to some direction, you have a hunch that the girl is probably lost.

“Do you need help with directions?” You offered, quickly pointing to the map in her phone.

“Oh my god, i would say no because I don’t wanna inconvenience you more. But i am so lost. I think i’ve been circling around these block three times.” The girl exclaimed, a hint of annoyance painting her voice.

You make a quick queries of where she headed and to your unexpected surprise, she showed you the address to your office building.

“Oh? I’m actually going there now.”

“Oh my god. Are you for real?”

With a quick nod, you offer her to join you in your commute. The girl jumped a little as she gleefully agrees and immediately following your footsteps.

You make a quick apology when you realize you have to answer some email as you walk. Not being able to entertain the girl of some conversation. You should be wary of stranger, or at least paid some attention to your surroundings when you’re walking with one. But your guts telling you the girl is harmless.

She walks with her eyes wandering to anything that caught her attention. Your own eyes couldn't help to wander to her. How some of her feature, although hidden under the long flowing curls of brown reminded you of someone. The thought dies down on the tip of your tongue once you realize you've arrived.

“We’re here, do you need help findi—”

“Sofia!”

The two of you turned to the source of voice.

There was a rush as the girl beside you hurried to leave your spot and skips away in a gleeful shriek. As you turn to where the girl was going, nothing could prepare you for the sight of the other person.

The familiar brown eyes and high cheekbones.

“Hansol, i spend the whole hours walking around the street—”

The girl— Sofia’s words are quickly cut as Hansol lands his eyes to you. Even from far away, you can see the Hansol clenches his jaw tightly. As seem in resolute, he dragged Sofia by her elbow and make his way to you.

The fear that knocks you out almost a week ago strangely doesn't find you. Standing still as you held your phone in hand. You thank any nearby god that you still has strength left to do so. Who knows what else you would do in this situation.

“Ouch, dude what the hell—” Sofia muttered in annoyance.

“I— thanks for helping her. We will be going.” Bowing his head rigidly, Hansol breezed past you with Sofia in tow.

They leave shuffling away as Hansol managed to keep his hold on Sofia who put less effort on her struggle. Yet managed to turn her head back to you and wave with a smile.

“I don't know who you are but thank you for your help!”

Subconsciously you found yourself waving back. Despite your stunned thoughts from the whilrwind of interaction between Hansol and the girl— Sofia. And you.

Blinking the thought to pushed it away. You went to work like nothing happened.

Finishing task after task like nothing is bothering your mind.

And when the clock strike at 6PM, when majority of the office already leave or in the middle of getting ready to leave, your mind tuned back to those thought. Back to the surprising meeting from this morning.

Subconsciously you found yourself knocking at Seungcheol’s door. Pack of beer in your hand.

Strange to think that your muddled mind brought you here. To a place that you don't even know until a few months ago. Through some coincidence at that. The thought of many late night snacks and quick banter of conversation every time you bumped into Seungcheol has never failed to bring a whisper of smile on your face.

You wouldn't dare to admit it from time to time. But as your deep rooted habit remain a baleful shadow in your mind, you boxed that thought and feeling and wrapped it in the most beautiful ribbon. Easy in your mind so you wouldn't dare to delve deeper into it.

“Well hello Y/n.”

But it was so easy.

To swim into his dark brown eyes, framed under his strong brow. Nestled above his ever so raised cheeks that slope into his dimples every time he smiles.

“Hi there, wanna help me drink this up?” Raising the pack in your hand, Seungcheol is quick to take it off of you when he realizes what you bring.

With a slight tilt of his head, Seungcheol urges you to go in. Complying felt easy on your step. Smiling when you spot a white fluff coming in fast from across the room once you set yourself inside. Among the space you felt comfortable and in peace.

Unsurprisingly, Seungcheol already has a spread of little bites on his coffee table. Surrounding a legal pad and his ipad. As usual, there’s a flow of music through the speaker. Lulling you deeper into the warmth of the space.

Turning to a smiling Seungcheol, beers already set to the table before he looks back to you. The coziness are inviting you to spill your thoughts. To empty your day to him, in words uttered with the background of whatever music Seungcheol has put on. While Kkuma is somewhere dozing or strutting away her energy around the place.

Talking about everything but not the one you had been stored away, Seungcheol noticed the slight strain in your brow as you gaze at the can of beer you’ve been nursing for the past thirty minutes. A slight nudge on your arm took your attention from it and into Seungcheol. His gaze questioning.

“You talk about even the littlest thing about today. But why do you look like you still have so many more to tell me.” His voice are never demanding. Low rumble in your proximity as he’s always softly easing you to your thoughts.

“I think i met Hansol’s sister today.” The silence from Seungcheol are urging you to continue. Inhaling deeper with a hint of smile, you put down your beer to face the man beside you. “I remember when i was looking into Hansol’s dad, that he’s having a babygirl. A baby sister for Hansol. I remember i was so angry. I don’t quite understand why back then, heck i even denied to everyone around me that i was angry. Masking it all like a prideful kid. What a shame. Because if i just admit those anger, i think the grudge wouldn’t be eating me up like this. Making me live my days working like a dog as if i wasn’t enough for anything.”

Your voice has tapered to silence, the amount of alcohol you had consumed doesn’t quite helping your situation now. Spilling old and dried thought into someone like Seungcheol.

Wordlessly, Seungcheol slid his hand to yours. A light squeeze is enough to give you all the assurance in the world. That he’s listening.

“After knowing Hansol has a baby sister, i tried to forget about their existence. I stopped digging around and keeping tab on the family of a man that abandoned me. I lived, but like i said, i feel like i live as a corpse. Even when my mom fell ill, when she had to move to a care facility with our distant relative in Daegu because i can’t really took care of her and she wouldn’t want me to stop going to college here. Even then, i still think about them. I always thought that i would never meet them. That i could never discern his face among the crowds and we would live passing through each other without truly knowing each other. Yet here i am, bumping into both of them, and Hansol are probably thinks that i was a weirdo or a creep.”

A raised eyebrow from Seungcheol earned a chuckle from you. He know the reality of your last sentence. That even though years had passed, you still could recognize Hansol—and even his sister just from a single abrupt meeting.

The lack of sobriety in your part lets you feel a little loose. Letting out airy laughs without fully paying attention to the decreasing gap between you and Seungcheol. Sitting sprawled above his soft rug and leaning against his sofa. A crushed cans of beer put aside, your sole excuse just so you can come knocking to Seungcheol’s door and then spilling years of buried down secrets.

“You know, we all imagined all sorts of things in our life. And the funny thing is, seems like the universe are always listening to those, but they only listen. So that they could do things so out of your way that makes you think what you’re dreaming is useless. At least that’s what i always thought after failing to do everything that i wanted. A little silly thought to comfort me rather than blaming it in other people and then fall deeper into baseless hate.” Seungcheol giggles, his shoulder shaking as his hand remain on yours. Thumb caressing lightly in nonchalant.

Maybe you were much more lacking in sobriety than you thought you were. Maybe it’s the slight rumble of Seungcheol’s laughs and deep voice that you could feel whenever he’s near. Nonetheless, there’s something pulling you. An invisible force—first in your mind. As you circle around another thought you wrapped away, acting like you don’t even see it. Back to a few nights ago, spent together in the kitchen and with sweet smell of cookies.

Acting like you don’t know what came over you was easy. But actually doing what your mind told you to do is giving you such rush that rivalling the height that alcohol brings. And sweeter, even.

Your free hand traveled to cup Seungcheol’s cheek. With a surge, you plant your lips to his. Soft as you can feel the cherry lipbalm Seungcheol often applies. With your eyes closed you savour the air that has left your lungs and now filled with a deeper substance that bring a jolt to your heart with every second.

It was a peck on any other level, you’re somewhat didn’t dare to do more than that after feeling the body beside you froze as you continue your ministration. The audible little gasp from Seungcheol proven further to you that maybe a peck is enough for you. Enough that you didn’t cross any line to push him away.

You didn’t dare to utter any words. Simply pulling away slowly as your eyelids flutter open to the sight of Seungcheol, his face is a perfect example of soft steel. Strangely enough you think Seungcheol can read your mind. Because the moment you’re about to burst out of where you sat and scramble out of his apartment, Seungcheol has had his grip on your elbow. His palm felt burning on your skin.

“I can’t let you go home like this.”

His whisper anchors you to remain where you are. Buzzing with a newfound excitement when Seungcheol wouldn’t move even a millimeter away from your lips. A smirk on his lips accompanied his words while his free hand had traveled to hold your nape.

The burning hold he had on your elbow loosened but the sensation remain.

“I was so surprised, i thought the beer was mixed with something. Causing a hallucination of you actually kissing me.” Seungcheol’s warm breath washes down your lips. You can’t control yourself to remain unaffected as you bit your lower lip. Your eyes searches his.

“Well you can’t barely called that a kiss, Seungcheol.” You taunt.

“That’s true, here let me show you then.” He smiles.

Was all that you heard before you can feel his smile on your lips. The hand on your nape pulls you closer as you wrap yours around his, burrowing your fingers to the curly strand that earned you a satisfied hums from Seungcheol. His lips are still chasing yours with a small tugs to your freshly bitten lower lips. It sends your toes quite literally curling into Seungcheol’s expensive carpet.

There was barely any moment Seungcheol would let you pull away. No matter how breathless you both feels. The way you both melting into each other’s touch felt too good to end so soon. Not when you’re close enough to feel each other’s heartbeat in such proximity.

The months long since you’ve been meeting him, you felt like it sets so many things afoot. A roller coaster that you would never thought to happened. Your whole life have not been a flat ground so to say, yet the things that happened since the day you accidentally set yourself in front of Seungcheol’s apartment felt like it has to happened whether you like it or not.

That include meeting Seungcheol.

You had to admit that you’ve been avoiding the feeling you got. Each meeting setting off more surprising warmth in your heart. From the little smile Seungcheol gave you as he offers you a piece of gum each time after you’re done smoking to the time where he looks down from his window as if he’s a modern day rapunzel.

Unknowingly a chuckle had escaped your lips, bouncing off straight to Seungcheol’s face. Eyes half lidded as his long wisps of his eyelashes grazes his cheeks. He can’t help to mirror the delight on your features. You leaned into the thumb that has traveled to your cheek. Rough calloused surface caressing softly with as much care in the world.

“What’s so funny? Y/n?”

Despite his light grumble as you shift in your seat, inadvertently creating a few inches gaps between you two, Seungcheol kept his gaze to your lips. Curved into a smile, a rose blush painted on each end.

“Nothing,” a pause as you took a deep needed breath. Your muddled thought eventually settled throughout your long winded day. “I don’t know why, i just feel happy. Despite what happened today.”

Without a beat, Seungcheol pulls you into a hug. One that neither bone-crushing or halfhearted. Enough to make you feel the warmth of his chest, clad the soft materials of his T-shirt. Reveling the scent of his cologne due to the proximity, you let out a content sigh.

“It doesn’t matter what happened today, you deserve it otherwise. To feel happy.” Seungcheol whispers to the crown of your head, in return, catching the faint mix of coconut and a hint of floral from your hair products.

There’s a faint crackle from the speaker far away. Whatever song or playlist Seungcheol has put on might have ended. None of you really paid attention to it though. Time flows perfectly fine to slip into the bubble you both had created. Enough with each other presence.

The perfect mixture of warmth and happiness.

It flows through your vein. Seemingly connected to Seungcheol with every whispers and caresses he gave you. Nobody care that Kkuma has trotted closer and dozed off by the end of the sofa, nor that time has gone past midnight and you fell deeply asleep in Seungcheol’s embrace.

\\

Waking up hungover on a wednesday wasn’t really included in your weekly plan. Yet here you are, a dull ring reverberating throughout your cranial cavity. It certainly doesn’t invite any good memories from college. Not that you’re often passed out drunk on someone else’s sofa often.

Now that you think about it…

Forcing your heavy eyelids to open, you’re cringing from the bursting sunlight that welcomes you. Your free hand immediately flew to cover your face. But to no avail, the heat is worsening your already bad headache. Slowly being aware, you eventually realize the weight in your other hand. Hanging free from the edge of the sofa you laid on.

Nervously turning your head to your side, the sight welcomes you like the morning sun of fall. Such warmth unexpectedly coming through the fallen leaves and chilling breeze. How could it not when you had spotted Seungcheol laying down on the carpeted floor right by the sofa, his one hand tightly holding on to yours as he lay on his side. Curly bangs falling over his eyes, perfectly framing his squished sleeping face.

You thought you were going crazy as you manage to not tear your eyes off of the sight. Pink plump lips slightly ajar as he breathes, and the cheek who carved into a dimple when he smiles has turn into a full curve. Much resembling a bun.

A helpless laugh unknowingly went past your lips. Uncaring of the headache you’re experiencing. Wincing, you took a deep calming breath before continuing to glance at Seungcheol’s sleeping figure. Until a soft pressure applied to your hand quickly steal your attention.

“Why don’t you take a picture? It’ll last longer.”

Your eyes immediately widened, a slight blush went up your cheek at the thought of being found out.

Seungcheol pries one of his eyes open, looking up to you despite the glaring sunlight. He continues to play with your intertwined hand as he laughs drily. Seemingly in the same situation of hangover as you.

“I would take a picture, but my hand is occupied.” You laugh lightly, inciting the same response from Seungcheol. “Why are you down there though?”

“Why? Am i too far? Do you miss me already?” Seungcheol mumbles through his signature smirk.

“Well, your sofa is big enough for the two of us. So, my question remains.”

A quick flash of smile from Seungcheol and within second he’s sat up from where he lay. Messy curl nest of hair leaning over you. Close enough until you can spot the places where he had missed during shaving. Deep inside, you're trying to fight how fond you are of him.

“Unfortunately i snore in my sleep. Although yes, i do want to hold you close, i don't want to wake you up with such unpleasantness. So i’d rather sleep down here— which surprisingly is comfy enough, rather than disturbing your sleep. How is it? Does that answer your question yet?”

Biting your lower lip to hold back a smile, Seungcheol rests his head promptly near your arms. Softly mumbling how he's got to give Kkuma her breakfast. And incidentally, your stomach rumbled just after he finished his words. Fixating his gaze back to you, Seungcheol can't help the teasing smrk painted on his face.

“Would you look at that. Now i got two princesses to feed.”

A melodic deep timbre of laughter flowing through the room. You thought of how nice it is to be woken up like this. But for now, you still hid your face under your palm to mask the embarrassment.

\\

The sweater Seungcheol has offered you to change into felt impossibly soft. Added bonus point that it smells like him a little. Taking a warm shower after notifying your boss that you’ll be late, then Seungcheol already stood in his kitchen. Preparing the breakfast he had ordered. In a new set of clothes and a damp hair.

“How's your head? The shower helps right? I got some light porridge for breakfast.”

Even in a white T-shirt and beige pants, Seungcheol looks stunning. You steel yourself to brought up the words you want to say. Almost spending an hour in his bathroom, you had been filling it with some thinking. About last night and your feelings. How the flashing images of the kiss you share sends enough butterfly on your stomach that you had to grip the cold marble counter for it.

So midway through finishing your bowl of porridge and a side of warm tea, you called for Seungcheol's attention. The man by your side immediately raises his head, Kkuma dozing comfortably on his lap. Like a permanent accessory.

“About last night,” Seungcheol has his eyes focused on you, as you're trying to find the right words to say. “I might be drunk and might not be in the right state of mind. But i would be lying if i say that kissing you was a mistake. Because, I think i like you. And i don’t want you to think that the kiss was just, you know. A one time thing. Or worse, a mistake.”

The inside of your stomach would like to vacate its vessel. And it’s not caused by the hangover. The way Seungcheol continues to stare at you is as if you’ve grown a third ear.

For what feels like a decade, Seungcheol broke the silence with a big heave of the breath he’s been unknowingly holding. One hand flew up to cover the big smile that blooms. Bigger than the feeling of relief as if a two ton weight has been lifted from your shoulder.

“You think you like me?” Seungcheol has this teasing tone in his words, you can only bite your lower lip to prevent the big grin that’s fighting to come out. “Well this is awkward because I am quite sure I like you. What are we going to do with this?”

Kkuma whines softly when she's placed down to the chair. Now vacated as Seungcheol already stood and step closer to you. Your eyes trained to Seungcheol’s every move, you tried your best to held back the racing heartbeat. Possibly loud enough for Seungcheol to hear now that he's towering over you. Toned arms caging you to your seat.

His eyes inviting you to recreate your last night’s activity.

“You know I have to go to work right?” You murmured.

“I know. You wouldn’t missed work for anything. That far, i do know.”

A lazy smile blooms on Seungcheol’s face, he raises his hand to caress the hair that has fallen to your face. You shamefully fixated your eyes to his hand—fingers. Knowing that Seungcheol has his own eyes to you.

The event last night truly unlocking a whole new level of push and pull between the two of you. And you don’t know if you’ll survive through it. You might not be strong enough to resist the man in front of you.

With a chuckle, Seungcheol picked up your empty bowl and making his way to the sink. Picking up his along the way. Of course he didn’t forget to flash you a cheeky smile along the way.

You follow his steps, making beeline to the sink and get yourself comfortable leaning on the counter beside Seungcheol. Small little footsteps can be heard following you. Seungcheol laughs when he spotted Kkuma right after you. Muttering how he almost feels jealous.

“You know? Hansol recently talks to me about you.” Seeing the calmness in your stead, Seungcheol continues, “he also tells me about you. Your relationship with him. Even last night he texted me. It seems like he wants to ask me more about you. But he beats around the bush.”

As you sighed with a pout, Seungcheol only shrugged lightly to you. Finishing on the last dishes to rinse.

“I’m not telling this to bother you. I’m only telling you because, well I don’t want to keep secret from you.”

“Even after years, i still don’t know what to feel. About Hansol. He’s like someone far away that doesn’t even know i exist, yet i harbored too many resentments on him. Undeservedly. Sometimes i feel angry, another time it’s jealousy. At other time i felt happy when i saw the picture of his graduation. Imagine my surprise when i saw him on your doorstep. And then him, calling my name.” Seeing the apologetic look on Seungcheol’s eyes, you immediately shot him down. The words died before it went past his lips.

“Hansol, he just came back from the US. He’s been there to help produce an album. For almost two years.”

“Has he lived here long?”

“Well i met him when he’s already in the same studio as i was. That was when i’m on the last years of college. Then we got closer as we signed to the same music company.” You merely nodded at the new knowledge. Adding it to a box named Hansol by the corner of your mind. Completely oblivious to the look Seungcheol is sending you. A fine mixture of fondness and nostalgia.

“That…s great. I guess,” you huffed exasperatedly. Once again lost in your own leaping thought. Reminding you of why swimming deep into your work is your choice to drowned out any conflicting thoughts from your past.

The hand resting on the counter are quickly held by Seungcheol. A form of reassurance you have found both comforting and revving up your heartbeat. Unnecessarily at times.

“I said it last night. And I will say it again. Your feelings are valid. No matter how small you feel. Or confused you are. I am happy to be around and be a constant reminder and help you to feel better about yourself. Because you are. Much better than how much you give yourself credits for. Believe me.”

It took you years to quit your obsession with your half-brother. Validating your mood swings that plagued your young years. Regrets and mistakes in memories of your mother. Long long time to found yourself where you are now. Grounded and for a moment that it's worth, Seungcheol’s word brings you peace. It sets you free.

\\

A new sight welcomes you. In a form of Seungcheol, comfortably clad in a big varsity jacket and as cuddly as he could. He welcomes you when you dragged your feet out from the office.

Among the mass of people trying to get home, you smiled as you feel your steps went lighter as you make your way to him. As if you’re pulled to him.

“Hi there, have any plan for tonight?”

“As a matter of fact, i do. With my soft duvet and blackout shades.”

A pout instantly appeared on Seungcheol’s face upon your reply. A sight you found delightful each time you see it.

“How about i offer you better plan? The night is still young.” On extended hand, Seungcheol smiles to lure you.

It took you no time to take it in yours.

Seungcheol took no time to drag you off into the night. On a sunset car ride. To a place he explained as his workplace. He jokingly warns you not to freak out if you see any celebrities. But your reply only sends Seungcheol further into your charm.

“Don’t worry i don’t pay attention to any celebrities. I only got my eyes on you.”

Seungcheol almost forgot that the two of you are currently on an elevator in his agency building. He could just trap you between the metal wall and kiss you to his heart’s content.

Unfortunately he found a sliver of restraint.

His hand never left yours as you traveled through long white hallway. There are faint rhythmical thumps can be heard on each door you both walk passed. Eventually you arrived at a door, plastered with big decal stickers spelled ‘S.Coups’.

His studio welcomes you, as clean yet as homely as you had imagined. Quite big as to accomodate the recording equipments and a few shelves filled with trinkets. The studio does feel like another home for Seungcheol. Maybe that’s why you felt a sense of the same coziness you felt from his apartment.

Seungcheol invites you to join him on the couch, patting the empty space beside him. You waste no time to abandon your bag to the floor and snuggle close to him. Seungcheol already has his arms around yours. Going through netflix to browse anything interesting to watch on the big widescreen projected across the studio.

“I have a feeling you sometimes spend a night here.” You muttered against the soft wooly materials of Seungcheol’s jacket. The softness reminded you of something you own.

“Night? Try days.” You can feel Seungcheol’s chest rumbled as he chuckles out his answer. He then continues, “speaking of spending days here. I have to warn you just in case. Hansol has been sleeping in his studio for a few days. The pipe in his old apartment suddenly burst. A few days after he came back from US.”

“Is he— alright?”

“Don’t worry, he’s built like a tank. He only needs place to stay while his apartment is getting fixed. That’s why he’s at my house that day.” Seungcheol cupped your chin to turn your face to him. “I just don’t want you to be surprised just in case we bumped into him. Wouldn’t want you to run off from me.”

“When have i—”

Your cheeky smile is quickly wiped when Seungcheol brought your face closer to his and planted a kiss on your lips. Quickly, you reply with the same fervor as your own hand traveled up to his jacket’s lapel and found your anchor there. Seungcheol pulls you closer— bringing you in for another kiss, breathing in your little gasp as Seungcheol easily positioned you to straddle him. Good thing that you have tight hold to him.

You haven’t cared to admit, but the hold he has on you is escalating at an astronomical rate it almosy flungs you up to the stratosphere. It got you fixated on Seungcheol’s every move and admire each flex of his face muscle that forms his dimple.

Ok maybe not only his face muscle.

You took the time to admire his other muscles altogether. Running your hand along his broad shoulder, you didn’t hesitate to bunch the fabric of his T-shirt and give it a tug. Seungcheol is quick to respond with a groan as he chases your lips further. You took a deep breath, willing your body be closer to him, impossibly. Melding your torso as you moved your hands to circle around Seungcheol’s neck when he begins to take off his jacket.

The heat escalade around the two of you.

Until his phone vibrate by the small coffee table. Quiet buzz can be heard behind you.

“Seungcheol, you have a call.” You whispered slowly, lips barely leaving each other. The man in front of you huffed with a smirk. His hold never falters, growing warmer with every second.

“I am aware of that.” Seungcheol replies, hurried words as he still chasing your lips. Equally whispering, his deep voice hums across your lips.

“What if it’s something important?”

“More than this?”

Sometimes, you hate being levelheaded.

You obviously dislike pulling away from Seungcheol’s lips. The sentiment mirrored by Seungcheol. Swiftly reaching out behind your back to his phone, the device still buzzing in your grip as you handed it to Seungcheol.

When the man under you groans, you begin to regret your decision. You hate it more that Seungcheol is too observant of your reaction. You shamefully biting your lower lip, staring intently as Seungcheol eventually accepts the call on his phone. His gaze boring to yours, his hand freely roamed the small of your back.

You have to admit that none of the conversation registered to your ears. So when Seungcheol ended his calls and readjust his hold to you, who still conveniently straddling his lap, you instinctively loop your arm around his neck.

“I have to meet the CEO now.” When your eyes rounded in surprise. Eventually discerning his words, Seungcheol only chuckles before pecking your lips. “I hope you’re happy. For making me take that call.”

“Wait, do you actually have to go?”

“Don’t miss me too much dear. I’ll try to be quick.”

Seungcheol leaves you no time to register the term of endearment he just addressed you with. It took you with the same surprise as he maneuvers easily to flip you around. Your yelp followed by the thud as you landed on your back against the sofa. Seungcheol still grinning devilishly. He leaves you with a quick peck and letting you know to his mini fridge in case you feel like snacking.

When the door clicking close, you slumped into the sofa. Feeling childish at the amount of regret you developed for letting Seungcheol take that call. Quickly brushing away the thought, you rose from the sofa and decided to take a closer look around the studio.

The big shelf stood on one side of the wall are full of little trinkets that’s best described as a look inside Seungcheol’s life. Picture frames, old baseball, and many signed memorabilia from possibly the biggest star that you could have imagined. Yet you’re oblivious to them.

It brought a smile to your face when you can spot Seungcheol smiling in almost all of the picture you see. With Kkuma, his friends, family, and much more of him in a new light that you’ve never seen before. One picture caught your attention, Seungcheol are clad in the same varsity jacket, arm slung to what seems to look like a younger Hansol, with longer tuft of messy brown hair and braces. There’s two other people in the picture but your eyes fixated on the two.

Just how long they’ve been known each other? If you had continued your attention towards Hansol, would you have known about Seungcheol back then?

The sound of the studio door unlocking caught your attention.

You were ecstatic to welcomes Seungcheol back but the door opens to another person.

“Seungcheol hyung, can i have some of—”

In retrospect, it’s a good thing that Seungcheol actually warned you earlier. Because right now, Hansol stood right there, just a mere meters before you. Without looking in the mirror you’re convinced that the look in both of your face are the same. Like a fish gasping for air.

Eventually Hansol snapped out of his stupor, shaking his head before averting his eyes. With both of his hands clenched, Hansol about to pivoted on his feet and hurried to make his way out of the studio. But not before you called out to him. Your mouth ran faster before you could pull the brake. But no use crying over spilled milk.

“I— i’m sorry if i make you uncomfortable that day. I heard that you were crashing at Seungcheol’s place and well— i just feel like i need to say sorry to you.” Throughout your words, Hansol went visibly rigid. A frown has settled in his face as time goes by, but you continue on to voice your words. “Also, i hope your sister are okay that day. She was wandering around and i—”

“Please— stop,” Hansol voice is small. Almost sound so choked up it surprises even himself. “Please just, stop. Please.”

When you took an instinctive step towards Hansol, the man staggers backward before eventually leaves the room in such hurries. You could never forgot the face he made as he left. It burns the same as the memories of your young. But unlike the smiles that you followed.

After Hansol left, you feel like you could count the seconds but at the same time, your mind couldn’t tear itself off of the image of Hansol. Leaving you with such pain visible in his frame. Eventually you were so lost in your thought that you didn’t even hear Seungcheol returning to the studio in grins.

Instantly the sight brought a small smile to your face. Seungcheol doesn’t waste any time to cuddle you on the sofa. Getting himself comfortable as he lay snug in your arms. You can’t help the giggle that escaped your lips as you do the same. Shifting in your seat to accommodate Seungcheol’s big frame to fit your hold. It doesn’t surprise you that he enjoys being a little spoon.

The frequent appearance of pout on his lips are one of the sign.

“What were you doing while i was gone?” Seungcheol starts, his fingers are making quick to the remote. Still in a mission to search a movie to watch on netflix.

“Hmm, not much. Hansol came here.” To this, Seungcheol immediately straighten up from your hold. A pair of confused and widened eyes scanning your face for answer. You smiles at his reaction. “He left almost immediately though. Not before looking like he’s somewhat in pain.”

Seungcheol hands quickly cups your head and hugs you close. Leaning into his touch felt like the most natural thing to do. Letting the warmth envelope you whole while at the same time calming your thought and lifted up your mood.

“Do you need me to talk to him?” Seungcheol voiced out, instantly you shook your head.

“No. I will talk to him myself if there’s a problem. I’m just more worried and confused. We just met and Hansol looks at me like that.”

Sensing your somewhat unsettled mood, Seungcheol determined to make you feel better. He flashes a grin to your questioning gaze as he suddenly vacate his spot. Opening the hidden drawer under his big desk, Seungcheol came back to your side with abundant of snacks in his hold.

A familiar sight of your favourite coffee bun immediately caught your attention. Eyes widening in surprise upon the sight of the rare treats.

“How did you have these! I love this.” You exclaimed. Seungcheol beside you are busy opening what looks to be a melon bread and a few more spread of pastries on to the table.

“Oh, now i know what to watch.” Seungcheol exclaimed, grinning at the sight of you munching lightly on your indulgent treat. “Nanny McPhee, how about that?”

“Now are you spoiling me? Favourite treat and then movie?”

“I know. Aren’t i just the best, huh?” You tried to maintain a straight face as Seungcheol playfully winks at you. Yet you can’t help to reply back by frowning at him.

As the movie starts you can feel yourself getting calmer. Your previously distraught mind is now filled with warmth and playful smile from Seungcheol. While the man has his eyes forward, you carefully scan him. A wisp of smile on your face to the sight you have familiarize enough in your heart. Each time Seungcheol has managed to surprise you with encouraging words to validate your feelings, as well as every little acts that sets your heartbeat faster.

“You know, i noticed that we used to go to the same college. I saw your old photo with varsity jacket. The same one you wore today. I just realized that.” You pointed out, eyes focusing as the opening narration begins to fade with whimsical music. “I might not be an avid almamater, but I have a varsity scarf myself. I love them.”

Wordlessly, Seungcheol took you to his arms. Another attempt to cuddle comfortably and let the familiar movie lulls the both of you deeper into the house full of children wrecking havoc. He’s heard you mentioned this movie a few times. At first denying that it was your favourite comfort movie. But as times passed and Seungcheol pointed out you begin to admit so. With a sheepish grin and endless teasing in that afternoon.

With his eyes forward as he tries to immerse himself with the colourful old english countryside, Seungcheol’s thought remain on your words. His memories flow like the quiet river. He decided that to let it remain untouched.

“Well i used to go there, but i never graduated sadly. I think i enjoyed too many free time that i have, going in and out the studio as i like and getting rewarded for things i used to do just for my hobby.” Seungcheol’s admittance is followed by a wisp of smile, somehow you can feel it entirety on your mind.

“But don’t you love it now?” Seungcheol fears you can feel the thump in his heart so he stutters out a laugh. Looking up to him, you smiles before kissing him softly. Humming along the now softer thrum in his vein as he capture your lips in reply.

“I’ve grown to,” Seungcheol only pulls back enough far enough. Half lidded as he kept his lips hovering above yours. “All the culmination of it, is what makes me here now. With you.”

\\

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[thesunsethour]

House MD and the use of the word 'miserable' (S4)

[S1 stats here] [S2 stats here] [S3 stats here]

'Miserable' total mentions: 35

'Miserable' mentions by House: 16

'Miserable' mentions by Thirteen: 6

'Miserable' mentions by Cameron: 4

'Miserable' mentions by Amber: 2

'Miserable' mentions by Kutner: 2

'Miserable' mentions by Chase: 1

'Miserable' mentions by Foreman: 1

'Miserable' mentions by Wilson: 1

'Miserable' mentions by Taub: 1

'Miserable' mentions by patients: 1

Times someone accuses House of being miserable: 2 - ( 1 from Thirteen and 1 from House's subconscious)

Full quotes:

4.01

House quoting a patient: “I’m miserable around Ben.”

House to patient: “You love somebody. Somebody who didn't drink, who wanted to have babies. And wasn't miserable.”

4.03

House to potential fellows: “The first to figure out what's threatening to deprive the patient of the twenty or so miserable years he's got left with SMA gets to keep their jobs.”

Chase to Amber about House: “I'm not working for him anymore, but he can still make my life miserable.”

Amber to Chase about House: “You have a chance to make his life miserable.”

4.04

Thirteen to Amber about a patient: “Convincing her that her mother's dead isn't gonna make her better, just miserable.”

4.05

House to Foreman: “I can make you miserable.”

House to Foreman: “You're going to be miserable.”

Foreman to House: “I already am miserable.”

House to Brennan: “You're nuts. You're going to be miserable, at home, at work, somewhere.”

House to Brennan: “Someone's going to be miserable sometime. Accept it. It's how I stay so happy.”

House to Brennan: “You're good. Don't screw it up just because you're miserable.”

House to Brennan: “You're the exact right amount of miserable.”

Cameron to Foreman: “The problem is you're not miserable.”

Cameron to Foreman: “You've every right to be miserable, but you're not, because even though this job is insane and House is insane, you like it.”

Wilson to Cuddy about House: “You don't have to make him miserable.”

House to Foreman: “You're miserable.”

4.07

Kutner to patient: “Not that your life must be miserable.”

4.08

Taub to Cole: “Right now, you're earning what I'm earning, which is miserable.”

Thirteen to House: “You spend your whole life looking for answers because you think the next answer will change something, maybe make you a little less miserable.”

4.10

House about Christmas: “The notion of picking one time of the year to be decent to other people is obscene, because it’s actually validating the notion of being miserable wretches the rest of the year.”

4.11

Cameron to Thirteen: “So unless I give House cable, you're going to make my life miserable.”

Cameron to House: “You think that because they make me miserable, I'm going to give you cable?”

House to patient: “Everyone is miserable. You don't change that because people don't change.”

4.13

House to patient: “Complain, you make people miserable.”

Amber to House about Wilson: “Either you're genuinely afraid I'm going to make him miserable, or you're afraid I'm going to make him happy, or you simply can't stop screwing with anything that moves.”

House to Cuddy: “What you've accomplished makes you proud, but you're still miserable.”

4.14

Kutner about patient: “He has the coolest gig ever but he’s miserable about it.”

Thirteen to Kutner: “Have you ever had a job where you were miserable?”

Thirteen to Kutner: “And were you miserable?”

Thirteen to Kutner: “It was a miserable job, but you weren’t miserable.”

House to patient: “Are you really as miserable as everyone seems to think you are?”

Patient to House: “And you think I’m miserable.”

4.16

House to Amber in his coma: “I don't wanna be in pain. I don't wanna be miserable. And I don't want him to hate me.”

[cath-lic]

I haven’t been sure what to do with myself lately. I was raised Catholic and I’m trans and my family is really accepting to an absurd degree. I felt God a few years ago and returned to the faith but my faith has faltered because I’m so unsure of everything and I struggle to feel like I belong anywhere. I don’t know for sure if God loves me even though I’m trans and bi. But I also am afraid of what happens next if God does love me anyway. I go to an accepting UCC church, but it’s not the same as a Catholic Church. I feel out of place there and I feel out of place at a Catholic Church. I want to be embrace both my transness and my Catholic heritage, but I always worry they are incomparable. That if I go to confessional I’d have to lie to a priest and say I’m not trans just so I don’t have to deal with them being unaccepting.

Im just scared and unable to act. Feeling God is one thing, figuring out what to do with that is insanely difficult and I don’t know if what im doing is right because God is rarely direct and only speaks to me in riddles and it makes me all confused and lost.

I don’t know what the point of this was, I just really need to get it out and say something. I feel like I can’t embrace my faith as much as I can’t rid myself of it. Knowing God has made life more complicated.

hi my sibling ❤️ i feel many of the same things.

i’m very happy to hear that your family accepts you. that is such a huge gift!

i can promise that god loves you, just as he loves each and every one of us. and that continues through each and every denomination—no matter what, we can all agree that god loves us (sometimes, we can feel, too much).

i know the feeling of not going to quite the right church. i’ve mentioned that i attend an Episcopalian church, and i also wish that there was a local Catholic church that i felt comfortable in.

it is really difficult being in such a tradition that prides itself on integrity and age, but uses this to justify maltreatment of those like ourselves. it is sincerely painful. sometimes you can lose yourself in mourning this.

to be honest, i don’t have much advice here. all i can tell you is that i know how you feel. so does god. this is one of the most important things to remember, for me: he suffers with us. as jesus, he struggled with god’s own vagueness, his own proximity.

faith doesn’t often make life easier—you walk a thorny and troubled road. but so do i. i’m here, walking this road, alongside you.

thank you for trusting me with this, my sibling. i will pray for you. i love you ❤️

[vigilante-3073]

Would it be possible to write another Rosalie x reader x emmett fic? Reader would accidentally imprint on the couple and how they deal with the wolf. Sorry English isn’t my first language.

The Invisible String

Rosalie Hale x Emmett Cullen x Female Werewolf Reader

Summary: The relationship between the Cullen family and Quileute shape-shifters becomes complicated when an imprint brings them together once again.

TW: Mentions of death, nudity, violence, and relationships.

The invisible string theory states that certain people can be connected to each other by an unseen bond. This bond can exist for a person's entire life, drawing them closer to the one they were meant for throughout their lifetime.

It is believed that a person needs to endure certain challenges and changes within their life before they are ready to meet their soulmate. The universe has a plan for everyone and it will always work out how it was intended to.

Y/N had been a member of the Quileute pack since her sixteenth birthday. Her transformation had been incredibly difficult for her and fitting in with the tribe was also a challenge. Y/N had been the only female werewolf for years until Leah Clearwater joined the pack.

Leah's arrival made things easier, but Y/N still felt like she didn't fit in with the wolves. Y/N befriended Jacob and they quickly became close, she didn't have many other friends and she cherished their relationship.

Y/N's newfound bond with Jacob helped her to feel closer to the pack. They were her family and should be everything she needed, but she still felt like something was missing.

Y/N learned about the existence of imprinting, she knew that her person had to be out there somewhere, but she began to lose hope as the years went by. She watched as other members of the pack found their imprints, trying to be supportive while feeling her heart break. Y/N figured that there was an exception to every rule and maybe she was it, maybe there wasn't anyone out there for her.

Some people just never got a happy ending and she thought that she could learn to accept that.

Then she met Emmett and Rosalie.

The feeling was impossible to explain, it was like her whole world had been turned on its axis and the ground fell out from beneath her feet. Her entire life had been leading up to this moment, all of her growth, changing and suffering finally felt like it had served its purpose.

Y/N was ready to lay down her life for these people and she didn't even know their names. Edward almost couldn't contain himself when he realized what had happened, looking between them with a smirk.

Y/N stared at Emmett and Rosalie with an awestruck expression. Her heart was racing in her chest and butterflies were fluttering around in her stomach. Y/N was at a loss for words and a part of her just wanted to leave the house and never return.

Jacob felt the change in his friend and looked between the vampires in the room nervously. The newfound bond could be viewed with hostility and he knew that Y/N would never recover if she was rejected.

Y/N had longed to fit in for her entire life and although their life together would never be conventionally normal, it could be beautiful. The relationship would be complicated, but Bella had managed to maintain her relationship with Edward despite their differences. It was possible and Jacob hoped that they would consider it without shutting her down.

Edward scoffed softly, listening to the flurry of thoughts coming from the two werewolves in the room, "This is Y/N and she just imprinted on the two of you," Edward stated, looking over at Rosalie and Emmett.

The room fell eerily silent as Emmett and Rosalie shared a look. Alice smiled to herself as she watched Emmett step away from Rosalie and approach Y/N.

"I'm sorry," Y/N mumbled instinctively.

"Welcome to the family," Emmett smiled, leaning down to wrap his arms around her in a tight hug. He lifted her off her feet, holding her close as her eyes filled with tears.

Jacob smiled softly, glancing over at Renesmee as he remembered what the imprint had felt like. It was overwhelming, but it was also a kind of love that he had never experienced before.

Emmett set Y/N on her feet and rested his hand on her back, guiding her over to where Rosalie stood.

"I'm Emmett and this is Rosalie," He said, gesturing to his partner.

"I'm Y/N," She said softly.

"It's nice to meet you, Y/N," Rosalie smiled.

Jacob watched them as they talked, he wondered if his own imprint had softened them to the idea of Y/N's. He had to admit that his imprint had definitely occurred under some rather extreme circumstances. Jacob hoped that he helped the Cullen family to understand what it truly meant to imprint.

The universe had an intricate plan and everyone had a part to play, allowing things to unfold exactly as they were supposed to. Y/N may have taken more time to find her imprints than other members of the pack, but the waiting was definitely worth it.

...

Y/N slept soundly in the large king-size bed that Rosalie and Emmett had procured for her. Her nighttime activities often left her exhausted and having a private space to sleep in the Cullen home made sense.

Y/N often found herself wandering out of the woods and into their bed in the early hours of the morning. The time that Rosalie and Emmett spent watching over their little wolf while she slept had quickly become their favorite part of the day.

The fridge was stocked with food and the doors were always open for Y/N whenever she needed. Rosalie had even taken up cooking in order to feed Y/N healthy meals while she stayed in their home.

Y/N rarely returned to her own house at this point, instead choosing to spend every waking moment with the Cullens. The family had welcomed her with open arms, never questioning their love for each other.

Their relationship began quickly after Y/N imprinted, the connection between them was elaborate and intense. The vampires were fiercely protective of their mate and made sure that she had everything she could possibly need.

Emmett made his way into the bedroom, smirking when he noticed a small twig sticking out of Y/N's tangled hair. He reached for it before his hand was smacked away by Rosalie, she sent him a look before moving to the other side of the bed.

Emmett and Rosalie got into the bed carefully, trying their best to avoid disturbing their mate. Rosalie picked up her book from the nightstand and opened it to her previously bookmarked page. Emmett laid on his back, smiling to himself when Y/N turned in her sleep and snuggled into his side. Her arm draped across his stomach, her leg slipping between his as she shifted closer to him. Her skin was boiling hot and Emmett enjoyed feeling the heat that radiated from her body.

They stayed with her for hours, simply enjoying their closeness as the sun began to filter in through the large windows. Rosalie had offered to purchase some blinds to keep the sunlight out, but Y/N refused. She liked waking up to the sun, basking in the warm rays as she recovered from her nighttime activities.

The vampires never rushed her, always allowing her to wake up in her own time. Emmett loved to hold her, laying in bed by her side for hours at a time. Rosalie joined them on a few occasions, but she preferred to sit beside them reading books or flipping through magazines.

Rosalie had always been more reserved with her affection, she showed her love through acts of service and gift giving whereas Emmett elected to offer words of affirmation and physical touch.

They were everything Y/N could possibly hope to find and she knew that they were meant for one another.

...

Y/N eventually stirred from her slumber in the late afternoon, snuggling closer to Emmett with a soft hum. He looked down at her with a smile, lips pressing to the crown of her head.

"You finally coming back around, sweetheart?" He questioned.

She nodded wordlessly, eyes fluttering open slowly as she adjusted to the light in the room. Rosalie set aside her book, reaching over to carefully pick the twigs and leaves from Y/N's hair.

"What did you get into last night, my love? You're bringing the entire forest into bed," Rosalie teased softly, setting the debris on the bedside table.

"I don't know," Y/N mumbled.

"Busy night, huh?" Emmett teased, she nodded.

"Do you want me to draw you a bath?" Rosalie offered.

"Only if you join me," Y/N replied.

"I could never say no to you," Rosalie stated, tucking a strand of hair behind Y/N's ear. She hummed, tilting her head in the direction of the gentle touch.

"Hey, where's my invite?" Emmett asked.

"She might need two baths with all the debris I just pulled out of her hair," Rosalie mused with a smile.

Y/N opened her eyes as her stomach began to growl loudly, "Jeez, someone's hungry," Emmett laughed.

"I'll go make you something. Why don't you help her get washed up, Emmett," Rosalie proposed.

"It's my pleasure," He smirked, Rosalie shook her head with a smile before she got out of the bed.

Rosalie went to the kitchen in order to make some food while Emmett slid out of the bed. Y/N watched him walk into the ensuite bathroom, listening as he began to fill the bathtub with warm water. He returned to the bedroom after a few minutes, watching Y/N stretch with a large yawn.

Emmett slid his arms underneath her body, lifting her into his arms easily before carrying her into the bathroom. Y/N shivered as he set her down on her feet, "Just a minute, babe," He muttered.

Emmett helped her undress, holding her hand as she stepped into the bathtub before sinking into the warm bubble bath with a sigh. Emmett watched her with a smile, "Hot enough for you, sweetness?" He questioned.

"Perfect," Y/N nodded, settling back against the tub. Emmett sat down on the stool behind her, hands settling on her shoulders as his thumbs kneaded her tense muscles.

Y/N's eyes fluttered shut, "You sore today?" He asked.

"Yeah, but I'll be fine," Y/N said.

"You sure? I can see if Carlisle has anything for you," Emmett offered, still massaging her shoulders.

"No, I'm okay," Y/N assured.

Rosalie made her way into the bathroom with a bowl of fruit and some toast on a tray, "I didn't make anything fancy today," Rosalie stated.

"Everything you make for me is amazing," Y/N assured.

"Let me get out of your way," Emmett said, standing up from the stool, "Mind if I join you in there?" He questioned, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Y/N smiled, "Not at all," She said.

Emmett undressed and Y/N moved forward in the bathtub. Emmett settled into the water behind her easily, guiding her body back against his chest as his arms wrapped around her waist.

"Ah, that's the stuff," He sighed.

Rosalie sat down on the stool, poking a fork into a piece of fruit before holding it up to Y/N. She took the fruit into her mouth with an appreciative hum.

Rosalie continued to feed her until the tray was empty, she set it aside and grabbed a magazine to flip through while Emmett helped Y/N wash up.

"Ready to get out?" Rosalie questioned, Y/N nodded.

The blonde stood up from her stool, grabbing a fluffy towel from the rack before holding out a hand to Y/N. She settled her hand in her mate's, rising from the water and stepping out of bathtub.

Rosalie wrapped the towel around her before cupping her cheeks gently, "There, that's better," Rosalie mused. She leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to her partner's lips.

"Thank you for taking care of me... Both of you," Y/N said.

"I have never known a greater joy in my life," Rosalie stated, running her hands down Y/N's arms before taking her hands. She gave them a gentle squeeze before tilting her head, "Go pick out your clothes. I bought a few new things for you," Rosalie said. She reached out and grabbed another towel for Emmett from the rack.

"You spoil me," Y/N smiled.

"You deserve it," Emmett replied, stepping out of the tub and accepting the towel that Rosalie held out to him.

Emmett wrapped the towel around his waist before his hands found Y/N's hips and pulled her body closer to him. She smiled, tilting her head up and meeting his lips in a passionate kiss.

Y/N pulled away, looking between her mates, "I'm really happy that I met you two," Y/N said.

"We're happy that we met you two, baby," Rosalie smiled.

[biowaredisasterbisexual]

And a continuation with Fluff 4, because these are fun and I cannot help myself. Also just for fun! And also likely to follow the earlier prompt and one day evolve into something for the multichapter mess that haunts me.

Fluff 4. Character A and Character B go dancing.

Rook was trying very hard not to keep looking over at Neve as nonchalantly made his way through the main hall of the Imperator’s house. He didn’t have a specific destination in mind, just a goal: to figure out what the cultists were up to.

So he and Neve had split up - which felt, honestly, kind of unfair after having already spent an entire week apart, but he guessed he could only complain so much - and were mingling. Something he suspected she hated far more than he did.

And something that would be even easier if he could possibly stop trying to, however unconsciously, find her with his eyes.

It wasn’t his fault. Neve in a formal robe was something he’d committed to memory the moment she’d changed clothes. He was only human.

He’d made idle conversation with several bureaucrats, clearly all hoping to get on the Imperator’s good side based on how they fawned over the man, and now was overdue for a drink. Both for camouflage and because something had to liven this party up, and so long as they were split up it tragically wouldn’t be Neve.

“I told you not to cause trouble in my city,” a low and angry voice said, just behind his ear over by the bar. Rook accepted his drink and smiled amiably at the Legate.

“Who’s causing trouble? I’m just here to have a good time and partake in libations way fancier than I normally get to.”

Well, okay, it wasn’t entirely true. He was friends with Lucanis, after all. But the Legate didn’t need to know that.

The older man glared at him, and Rook grinned. “I’ve got my eye on you.”

“With all this scenery to take in?” Rook gestured at the ‘distinguished guests’ around the room. “Seems like a waste.”

He smiled sweetly and took a sip of the expensive whiskey he held.

The Legate stomped away, and Rook silently gave himself another point towards victory.

“It can’t be!” Faster than Rook would have guessed, he was being tugged around by a thin woman with a pinched face, dressed in a silken garment that even he knew wasn’t cheap.

“Iulia,” he recognized. “I don’t think I’ve seen you since your wedding to my cousin. How are you?”

“All the better now that you’re here!”

He looked at her in confusion. He couldn’t figure out how him being there would in anyway improve her night in the least. His eldest cousin, Octavian, had never been Rook’s biggest fan - and he couldn’t imagine that had changed after all these years - it wasn’t like he and Octavian’s wife had ever been close.

“Thanks, it’s…good to see you too.” He took another sip of his drink. “I hope you have a-“

She grabbed his free hand with surprising strength for a woman so small, and began dragging him towards the center of the room.

“Oh, but we can’t part ways without at least one dance!”

This was weird. Very weird. And after watching Harding become a conduit of titan magic, an elven god’s face speak to them from the clouds, and smug, sad cat of a powerful mage bound to the veil separating the normal world from the Fade, Rook knew weird.

He hadn’t even danced with Iulia at her wedding, when he and his family had been on good terms. He couldn’t imagine why it would ever be necessary now.

But causing a scene - well, right now anyway, later might be different - wasn’t going to help him or Neve collect information. So Rook set his drink down as they reached the floor and let himself be pulled on to it for what would probably be the second or third most awkward dance of his life.

“Oh, you can hold me closer than that!” Her feigned laugher was grating, and Rook steered his hands back to the proper position even as she tried to tug them down. “We’re family.”

“I doubt your husband would appreciate that, cousin,” he replied, his brain finally piecing together what was happening here.

She wanted to either piss Octavian off or make him jealous. And, not that Rook had incredibly fond feelings for her older cousin, he didn’t really want to participate.

Years of formal education let him put his footwork to the back of his mind, muscle memory taking over, and allowing him to focus on how to get out of this as quickly as possible and keeping his hands in the standard position. Despite Iulia’s best efforts.

Neve’s distinctive gait behind him was a welcome relief, and he grinned as he felt her tap his shoulder. “I’m afraid I have to cut in.”

He immediately let go of Iulia, and thanked a Maker he hardly believed in for the fact it now wasn’t a slight. “Neve,” Rook said, hoping his smile conveyed the mountain-sized amount of gratitude he felt. “Of course.”

He turned to his cousin’s wife and offered an apologetic shrug. “I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening. You’ve been very interesting company.”

He could almost feel Neve hiding a smirk. Iulia glared at them both and all but stomped away.

“So,” Rook held out his arms. “Shall we?”

Neve’s expression faltered, just for a moment, as she stepped closer and Rook placed a far less careful hand on her waist and took her hand. “I haven’t done this since the Circle, Trouble.”

“I’ve got you,” he promised, and he felt like he’d won a prize as she smiled. Whether due to a year of fighting together, months of extracurricular activities together, or just natural chemistry, they moved together easily as Neve followed his lead.

Rook couldn’t say he’d ever thought much about formal dancing with Neve Gallus. But after tonight, it might be all he could think about for awhile.

Writing Challenge Wednesday:

Yay Wednesday! Let's write! (Btw if you sent a Rook Storytime Ask I'm still working my way through them thank you for being patient, they're actually really helping me flesh out my next story and they're a ton of fun. ) As always on these there is no time limit, tag or link or dm or reblog or comment under this post! No word count either just have fun with it that's what it's here for. I don't have standards for submission take or leave what you want, link your Ao3's, and it's all tagged writing challenge on my page! As long as it gets you writing I don't care and I will share. Let me show you off!!!

Okay I did a really fun self-imposed challenge where I turned fluffy head canons into angst cause I can turn anything into angst if you give me long enough ;) I thought it'd be fun to play with that today so I'm going to give you some fluffy head canons and some angsty head canons and I want you to flip the script and take the mood from fluff to angst or angst to fluff. (Please do platonic relationships as well as romantic if you're so inclined I'm into that)

Fluff:

Character A gives Character B a present.

Character A helps character B with their hair/makeup/outfit.

Character A and Character B want to teach Character C a skill.

Character A and Character B go dancing.

Characters A, B, and C are druuuuuuuuunk.

Angst:

Characters A and B have to go to a funeral together.

Character C has tragically gone missing and A and B have to cope.

Character A has lost someone close to them and can't stop crying. Character B and if you want Character C notices as well.

Character A has lost an important item to them or it was destroyed.

Character A and Character B are fighting for real. Real emotional or physical or both. Perhaps Character C intervenes or they work it out themselves.

Have at it and I will post mine later!!!!!